OCD and Obsessions

Hi, I am new to this site. I am really struggling. My husband who has Altzhimers insists 5 minutes after he has had a pee, that he needs to go again. This goes on all day!! It is so restricting as we are now unable to go out for a drive or a walk without him wanting to stop for a pee. I have bought a he- pee. But he won’t use it. I am at my wits end as to what to do!!

Hi Janet,
perhaps he can’t remember going the toilet and so is stuck in a permanent loop. If this is the case, it should be a passing (if limiting phase.)

As it’s not a genuine need, would it work to say, oh ok love, I’ll pull over to the next toilet we see.

Others will be along with more suggestions I’m sure.


Thanks for the advice. I can try, but he gets very stressed and fidgets if he can’t go straight away , or at least try to go. I have tried calling his bluff.

Maybe have some stock answers ready, so you don’t have to think of them.

Do you have any support with him i.e. a befriended/sitter/paid carer so that you can leave him at home and go out on your own for a bit (not that there is anywhere much to go at the moment.)


Hi Janet
Hopefully it is a passing phase. Has he has a check for uti, common in dementia patients. He may feel discomfort he can’t explain and feels he needs to pass urine. Getting a sample may prove difficult sadly. Have you spoken to your GP?
Sorry you are going through this. Very difficult and an emotional rollercoaster.

My poor Mum was like this for most of last year. It was wearing her out just getting to the toilet, pulling her clothes down etc. She would then walk back to her chair and say “I need the toilet.” You could tell her until you were blue in the face but she had no recollection of just going. It was constant, all day, every day and very tiring for us both.

We had the continence nurse out who confirmed there were no problems and she did a bladder scan and her bladder was fine, we had her urine tested regularly and we tried everything. Very occasionally distracting her would work for maybe half an hour. Her care notes told me it went on nearly all night too and was exhausting her so the GP prescribed a mild sleeping pill but she would still wake several times in the night and once she got to the loo it would take the carers ages to get her back in bed because she said she needed to go again!

The last few months she was bedridden and they had to insert a catheter but she still thought she needed the loo.

It is the dementia not a medical problem. I wish I could offer you more positive help. take care x

Many thanks for your support, it is purely in his head, he has had Bladder and prostrate tests and all is fine. I don’t think the lockdown helps , as he is unable to concentrate on anything he just sits in a chair and I watch him and I know he is thinking of peeing!! I think if we were able to get out in the garden and potter things may be better!!

Why can’t you go in your garden? Surely there is no harm there?

Probably because it is cold, wet, slippery Bowling bun :wink:

I forgot that not everyone potters in their garden like we do!
I have a long thin garden, a drive down one side, and at the bottom we have all sorts of sheds, the two largest have wood burning stoves, and old machinery, my sons pride and joy. Whatever the weather, my “boys” now 41 and 43, will be down there if they are home, playing with something or other. I’m not a fan of cold weather, having lived in the hottest part of Australia for 3 years, but it’s very seldom I don’t do a little bit of pottering round, and I have my own storage shed too. We had to convert the garage to a bedroom for me after a car accident, so everything in the garage had to move to the shed.

…or there’s a pond with a fountain or a trickling waterfall! :smiley:

When I was a toddler, my Mum always made me “go” before we went out, just by running some water so that it made a trickling noise - still bloody well works now, almost every time I empty my wife’s catheter bag I have to “go” myself.

I had about 10 minutes pottering yesterday and that was enough! Deadheaded some plants in window boxes, topped up suet blocks and sunflower seeds for birds. nearly broke my neck when I slid on some slippery paving. They really need cleaning properly but I can’t be bothered. i pretty much feel I can’t be bothered with much at all lately. :cry:

That was how I felt yesterday, completely lacking in motivation.
Today is a new day, it’s eldest son’s birthday tomorrow so I’ve just made him a Dundee cake, his favourite. I just can’t believe he’s going to be 44!
A new sewing pattern has just arrived in the post, so I’m going to sort out the kitchen and then reward myself with a cutting out session.
I have more than enough already, but this had some lovely features. I don’t smoke or drink, I have to have one vice, and it’s my pattern collection!