Managing incontinence....or not!

My FIL has lewy body with parkinsons

My MIL is the main carer, in the last month he has become incontinent and she does doesnt know how to cope

every night the bed is wet -so much that it tends to run down the sides, it means changing sheets, pants, sometimes pillows, bed protector etc etc

The real difficulty is that my FIL takes his incontinence pants off when they are soaking and puts on the floor.

Currently he is sleeping in a normal double bed, we have just got a hospital bed delivered which is on the lounge -the problem is that my MIL doesnt want it! Im at a loss where to go from here

Any advice would be very very appreciated!

I’m not surprised MIL doesn’t like a hospital bed in the lounge, where is she supposed to relax and have a little bit of normality, and invite friends round for tea and chat??? Did anyone ask her about it before it was dumped there?

How old is FIL? MIL? Who ordered the bed? Presumably he has mobility problems?
When did Social Services last do a Needs Assessment? A Carers Assessment for MIL?
Does anyone else have Power of Attorney?
Claiming Attendance Allowance?
Claiming exemption from Council Tax on the grounds of severe mental impairment? (This can be backdated to the day of diagnosis, so there might be a substantial refund due!)

Do you know why the community bed wasn’t set up in the main bedroom. Try and get the person to try the bed if it’s been set up. My husband wasn’t sure but it’s been a god send. He’s had his one for four years. These beds provide help for both cared for and carers. This also needs to be explained. The mattress are pressure types and you can just wash wipe over them. The bed give people more Independence as they can be in control of the bed. Thus needing in some cases less help from others.

Hi Podengoo and welcome,

It sounds as if the pads are not absorbent enough and are becoming uncomfortable and hence your FIL is taking them off. I would contact the incontinence service or whoever arranged for the pads to advise on ways forwards. It may be that he produces more urine at night than during the day, which could be addressed with meds.

Can a compromise be find with the hospital bed? Can it be moved elsewhere or the function of rooms swapped around. Change is difficult and accepting the bed, confirms FIL’s decline. However, he will be more comfortable and caring for him will be made easier.


Hi bowlingbun, many thanks for your reply

my FIL was in hospital for 10 days, due to delirium and he was discharged without any care, carers, OT or home assessment -they have provided carers 3 times a day.

FIL is only able to walk very slowly with a frame and suffers parkinson freezing episodes.
the incontinence only started just after Christmas

we asked for the bed because the incontinence has become very hard to cope with and FIL struggles to get in/out of bed.

my MIL hasnt had the support to provide for his needs since returning from hospital and the bed arrived before she could make decisions about where of when. due to the freezing episodes we first thought the lounge would be good so he could go from chair to bed -but his mobility has been ok this week, however he has started taking off the pads at night and putting them on the floor -not great anywhere, but worse in the lounge.

P of A -yes
attendence allowance -being applied for now (dont ask! Ive been trying to pursuade for over a year)
council tax -no not yet as MIL doesnt want to apply!

No carers assessment or care assessment done yet as far as we know. A nurse came and did an assessment earlier in the week, but we dont know what it was -the questions seemed to be about whether it would be self funding or not.

Hi Sunnydisposition,

my FIL is trying it tonight.

he does tend to turn over and fall out, so I think a hospital bed could be helpful as once he is in, it could be lowered right down.

my MIL wants to get kyle mattress protectors but the carers are saying he cant use that with a pressure mattress (FIL doesnt have pressure sores at all at the moment, but he does sleep for many hours at a time).

Yes, I think the bed will be a great benefit to help caring -especially as my MIL has a back problem.

I think Ive persuaded my MIL to move the bed to the master bedroom, but she is reluctant to change the furniture layout and only bought a new £1000 mattress last year! But Ive said we could try it for a week and if she isnt happy we could put it back how it is.

My MIL really is finding the caring very very hard -Its been a sudden decline over a few weeks and she is finding it so tiring and stressful as well as the emotional aspect of losing her husband to a disease.

Hi Melly1,
I bought the pants -from age UK site.
Nobody has been to do a continence assessment -we were told it could be many weeks, sadly.

I think Ive persuaded my MIL to move the bed into the master bedroom.

I decided to put mums hospital bed in the dinning room. That way we kept the living room as a room that people could still come and visit and not feel like they where in a bedroom. The dining room table went into storage and we sold the chairs as we thought we could get new when circumstances change etc.
Mum is a serial pants shredder as well so quiet often the beds wet. We use the incontinence sheets which catch most of it.
Be careful of buying so called waterproof bedding. I bought a waterproof pillow protector from John Lewis only to find it was waterproof on just one side of the pillow, and you couldn’t tell from the outside which side it was. Took them back to JL and stood my ground arguing that it was advertised incorrectly.