In dire stress and needing support and sound advice

New to Carers Connect
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Hi
I’m am new on here so just thought I would introduce myself in the hope for some helpful hints and tips for me and my son.

So I am the mother of a 15 year old hyper tensive boy with possible autism/ADHD/Behaviour Trauma,Internet Addict/Screen Syndrome/Psychotic???. He is quite intellectual he is however quite immature socially and emotionally and demonstrates bizarre behaviour/ flares to anger easily and is extremely violent and has begun to damage property costing me an arm and a leg and I’m finding it difficult to sustain my job as I’m the only earner, so not sure if it’s deliberate and he is really ok or playing mind games, but it has gone on too long.

He has throughout his schooling had so many issues with rage, anger, anxiety. This mix has seen him become quite unpredictable. He massively overreacts to situations in school which then see him in bigger trouble. He can be loud and disruptive in lessons especially if there are annoyances which could be child or teacher related.

We have sadly had days when his temper has had him destroy classrooms or get into quite disturbing incidents with his peers which have brought a lot of negative reports about him. This has been throughout his time in high school.

At home he has developed into a big strong :muscle: lad unfortunately and due to his emotional/mental neglect in childhood and a troubled past with severe illness topped with abuse has now become my abuser and has taken full parental control over me and we have had police involvement and nothing seems to phase him. He hasn’t got a care in the world.

We have a “high level social worker” and they have with support from school put my son on High Child Care ProtectIon Plan. So if it is established we can’t live together without domestic violence he will be put in foster care and I fear the consequences that it will bear on us both.

The school seem very supportive and on board with sending MARF referrals to get necessary support and possibly an EACHP.

Despite the support starting to pour in my son is non-commital and unco-operative to say the least.
I’m at my wits end and it’s taking a toll on my health for the worst and our environment is too toxic with the way my son battling with me even when I highlight picking/cleaning up after oneself .My son refuses to engage with anyone or go out anywhere. He is glued to the screen whether tv and mostly gaming on the laptop for 9-10hours a day and it’s highly frustrating.
Due to his at time temper and violent outbursts I have been advised to lock myself in a room till he calms down which takes over a day at times
He has neglected his basic hygiene and nothing I say or do will help.
What am I to do?

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just a quick reply…

Are you aware of …

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Hi Sara

Sorry you are having such a tough time.

I myself have two boys with additional meeds one aged 24 and one younger, its very demanding.

Your situation sounds very difficult and unpredictable,

Have you contacted the GP regarding getting a diagnosis? The proper support can be put in place.

However, I realise that things could overtake this as a social worker is involved and yours and your sons safety is the most important thing. So you need to ensure both your safety.

As school is difficult have you considered applying for an EHC plan. ( Education, heath and care plan)
Various assessments are supposed to be done as part of this . They usually do an educational psychology assessment. And you can request others.

This all takes a long time to get though so I do think that your GP is your first port of call to see if he can refer to s specialist.

EHC plans are not easy to get as you seem to have to prove everything, and fight for the correct support. And often go to tribunal to get residential placements.

My first thought when I read your post is would a residential school meet need? Either 38 week or 52 week. You have to prove that a waking day curriculum is needed.

Please do discuss this with the social worker, and to get her thoughts.

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At what point are you going to stick up for yourself and say he has to move into a secure setting?
Surely every day he is getting a way with his current behaviour is making him worse?
He does not respect you, your home, your hygiene standards.
Your home should be a place of peace, calm, serenity. It’s none of these at the moment. Nothing you have done has worked. School should have acted years ago. I’m dismayed that you have had so little support.
He needs help, so do you.