Hi everyone, I would just like some advice/guidance please. (Sorry it’s a bit of a long read)
My mother had a stroke on 22/12/2018 and it has left her with severe weakness down the left side of her body. She is 70 years old, in a housing association home that my brother and I also live in.
During her stay in hospital, I constantly battled with my other 4 siblings about where she should stay once she comes home, with them arguing that it’d be better for her to be upstairs in her bedroom as she is also doubly incontinent now. I insisted that accommodating her in the downstairs lounge would be much better, primarily for her mental health, for accessibility and the chance to be taken outside in a wheelchair easily. I think this has rubbed them the wrong way, because since she came home in April 2019, they have left me to deal with all of her care needs.
For the past 5 months I have had to go from reducing my working hours from 37.5, to 15 and having ultimately resigned as nobody would come and take over in order for me to go to work. I now never leave the house, and when I do I feel anxious and self-conscious- like everyone is staring at me and I never used to feel like that before.
It has been the hardest 5 months for me, she does have 2 carers who come in three times a day to wash her, put her on the commode and then hoist her into bed each day but she relies on me to do absolutely everything else. I rarely get any support from my brother, although I feel like I can’t ask him as he is the only person working and providing shopping in the home etc.
When my siblings do visit; they constantly criticise me and imply I’m not doing enough to aid my mums recovery. She requires constant turning and adjusting during the night, so I sleep a maximum of about 3 hours a night, followed by helping her brush her teeth and wash her face each morning before the carers arrive.
I’m always exhausted and have reached breaking point, I’m 26 years old and fear that this will be my life. I feel selfish when that voice in my head tells me that this is when my life should be starting, because it’s now all on pause. I have now discovered that I am 7 weeks pregnant and the exhaustion and discomfort has become even worse (I sleep on the sofa to turn her during the night) but I’m afraid to tell any of my siblings in case they think I’ve done this intentionally.
I have applied for AA, UC but I’m confused as to whether or not to apply for Carers Allowance as it says it may affect her pension credit. I just feel trapped and broken, but then stifle my laments because it must be 10x harder for my mum, but I do just wish she’d appreciate me a bit more.
