Fed up

I’m not sure why I’ve joined this group but I don’t know how to cope any more. I can’t stop crying and I’ve had enough. I’m so stressed out and I want advice on how I’m supposed to make my life work at the moment. My mum is 65 and has Alzheimer’s, it’s got v bad. She lives on her own. My dad died, due to covid ive no help. I work full time in a stressful job they doesn’t just stop at 5pm, I’m home schooling two children and in between all this I get repeated calls off my mum all day as there’s always a problem. I haven’t got enough time in the day to do my job, help my children, make my children tea then have to sort my mum out. I found out she’s not eating properly, I’ve bagged up 10 bin bags of gone off food from around the house, I’ve got a person to bring her a hot meal half the week. I feel like I’m letting my mum down but how on earth do other people cope with all this?
The Alzheimer’s society told me they’re putting lots of courses on in the summer…firstly, this is little comfort to me right now and secondly I work and there’s no way I can take her to these things. I’m sorry if I come across as a selfish, uncaring daughter. I’m not. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. I work 200 miles away from her half the week. They told me to get a carer for 30 min everyday and they start tomorrow but what about the rest of the day??? I can’t get anyone else to come in due to covid. What do other people do?

I only have a few minutes now, but will reply in details tomorrow.
A course isn’t going to help you, you need proper help, asap.

Just to let you know that I understand something of what you are going through, and send hugs.
No one could do everything you are being called on to do right now. Anyone would be tearing their hair out, and you are not being a bad daughter because there aren’t enough hours in the day.
At risk of saying something you’ve already tried, do Social Services know about your mother? It sounds to me as if it might help to report her as an at risk adult, and let them know that you cannot care for her yourself. If you do follow this course, be stern about that - if they think they can leave you to take up any part of the task they’ll leave you with all of it.
If you can get someone else to take up her basic care, then you can add a little joy to her life with visits, presents, photos of the kids, whatever she’s able to take in. And that’ll be worth so much to her.

I struggled for years to juggle the competing pressures in my life, at one stage five different members of the family were all entitled to highest DLA!!!
Newly widowed, newly disabled after a car crash, I had counselling, and it was life changing.
I was encouraged to set my priorities. My disabled son couldn’t speak for himself, so he was a higher priority than mum, who could speak for herself and had more money. I explained this to mum, she didn’t like being top dog, but had to agree that my son should come first.
Your children deserve a happy mum, as far as that is possible in a pandemic, and you need to work, AND there needs to be a bit of “me” time in your life too, you have every right to invest in your own well being.
It was so long since I’d had any “me” time this was what I’d forgotten what it was. I then treated myself to regular hairdressing visits, and home beautician visits.
It is very, very sad that mum has developed dementia so early, but nothing you say or do will halt it’s progression.
Working how best to deal with the immediate problems, I need to ask some questions. I can guess some of the answers, but really need you to elaborate a bit.
Is the GP aware of the situation? What is he doing?
Are Social Services aware, what are they doing?
Do you have Power of Attorney? Is mum understanding money any more?
Does mum own her home?
Does she have savings over £23,000 Yes/No
Is she feeding herself properly?

Do you consider mum is now a danger to herself or others?

I’m marmalade making today, will be back later.