I just feel down at the moment

My name is Liz and I am a member of Carers UK. My partner’s (Ted) been in and out of hospital for the last ten years with various serious health issues including sepsis (twice) and major surgery on his left hip which has left him wheelchair bound and with very limited mobility. It’s been very stressful at times.

I’ve never contacted you like this before as I’ve normally managed to get myself out of any down times and sort any practical issues. However, right now, I’m feeling depressed and it feels like very little is going right…until now I’ve managed to work more or less full-time and, although it was a challenge sometimes, I kept going and always managed to find work and balance that with caring. It’s currently getting more difficult as my partner’s health/care needs are increasing and, also, I’ve just turned 65 (although I don’t feel or look my age) and I’m finding it harder to find employment, even part-time. Covid19 doesn’t help. I’ve had interviews but no luck with finding a job. And I’m so worked up about it now it makes the interviews harder - even though I have the skillset for many admin/customer service jobs. My ideal role would be to do customer service from home so that I could look after Ted at the same time.

Although Ted is on benefits I have, until now, been the main breadwinner and I’m feeling worried about our financial situation…I may have to accept not working and being a full-time carer but I’m worried about how that will work. Ted can be a difficult person as well which doesn’t help (he panics quite a lot and, although charming in lots of ways, can also be very demanding).

Sorry to offload this on to you but I’m feeling really down at the moment and I don’t know how to get myself out of it.

Hi Liz,

I’m a new full time carer - I’ve taken a year’s sabbatical from work because mum was taken very ill with septic arthritis in November, then caught Covid in hospital. Since then she has gone from the partly independent self-caring 87 year old to being helpless and needing full time care. Her cognitive state went from being with it but not being able to find the odd word, to what seems like full on dementia (it is being assessed).

I don’t think I will be able to care for mum long term but I will do my best for now in case she does make some sort of recovery. Such a lot of unknowns.

I know what it’s like to be out of work and on the interview treadmill, and much as I dislike the way some agencies work you could consider signing up with a couple and taking some agency work when it suits you. They do tend to pressure you to take what they want you to take, but if you stand your ground firmly it can work quite well. Sometimes (as happened for me) one of the jobs suits you down to the ground, and the employer likes you, and they take you on.

I do wish you every success and happiness. My goodness we deserve it, right?!

Hello, Liz. It sounds as though you are a bit depressed with your situation. Some additional thoughts:

You seem to be in two minds about staying in work. Have you considered part-time work? This would improve your work-life balance and enable you to cope better.

You are thinking of working from home. This can work for some people, but make sure you will cope with the potential distractions of you partner asking for attention.

You mention customer service. This can take many forms, including responding to e-mails and similar messages. Telephone help-line work can be stressful sometimes. (I know; I’ve done it.) If you are doing this within the home enviromnent and its distractions it could be even more stressful. Don’t impose extress stress on yourself if you are already depressed.

Best wishes.

Hi and Welcome to the Forum!
You are not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running online weekly meetups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa-https:// www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/online-meetups. Share And Learn:Share and Learn | Carers UK.
Our Telephone Number is: 0808 808 7777 and is open from Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm.
Our Email Address is: (advice@carersuk.org).
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions.
Best Wishes

Hi Liz,

Sorry to hear about how down you are feeling at the moment. It’s really important that you look after yourself and its great that you have reached out to Carers UK. If you are an unpaid carer then the advice and support may help to relieve some of your stresses.
Also Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to assist you in building your confidence and finding local free training to enhance your skills. Work - Citizens Advice.
Most importantly Liz, speak to your GP if you are willing to. They might have a better insight into the charities and organisations in your local area that could provide services to benefit both of you whether it be counselling etc.

Best Wishes,


Dear Liz_1812
Hi I am writing to you with a follow up message to see whether or not the initial message I left you has been helpful and beneficial for you. Please let me know if the message has changed your circumstances in a good way.