I can't take this anymore!

I’ve posted on here before about the struggles I’ve been having about caring for my mother. Her mobility is restricted and suffers from depression. I care for my mum whilst doing a postgrad degree part time. I used to be so close to my mother before she got seriously ill - fast forward 3 years and it feels like we are strangers. She gets so angry so quickly (I suspect she has a personality disorder). Nothing I do is right. Even something so simple as knocking on her bedroom door turns into an argument, or the type of food I give to her or how I stand, how I speak, every single thing I do she criticises. This has been going on for years but ever since we moved to our new flat it’s gotten from bad to worse. I too suffer from depression, I take medication and I have had enough. Every day is the same and I am so tired. She barely gets out the house (unless it’s her hospital appointments) and I understand how that makes her feel down. She’s always complaining that she feels like a prisoner in her own home so with the advice of a friend, I had arranged a cinema trip for us, to escape the home environment and have some bonding time. Instead she got angry because she felt like I was only doing it because she said so or that I didn’t ask her. I just wanted it to be a nice gesture kind of surprise. I just want to scream because I literally don’t know what to do anymore. I am really trying here but everything gets thrown in my face. She wants me to assume what she wants but she doesn’t talk to me, all she does is scream and I can’t take it. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like confrontation and when I walk away to settle the situation, she makes it out as if i’m being disrespectful. I just don’t want to do all this anymore. All the blame is always put one me, she never realises her part in the destruction of our relationship and she doesn’t want to realise the contradictions in the things she says and when you try to address them, she just shouts louder. ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

TW: Suicide.
Just under a year ago i attempted to take my own life because of it all. The insults, the shouting, the criticism, everything just got to me. I have accumulated a lot of strength to overcome those feelings but these last few days i have felt so weak. I’m religious and i have turned to my faith more than ever but no matter how much i try to heal in myself, my mother’s bitter words hit harder and stronger and all i seem to do is hold back the tears until i can’t anymore. I just don’t want to live anymore. I almost had the chance to escape when my mother swung for me a few weeks back and i was offered a place to stay in a temp accommodation but she begged me to stay; she said that she’d communicate with me more but it was a big fat lie and things have only gotten worse. I just don’t want to be in this space anymore. What hurts is i have no income of my own and if i try to find a job, she accuses me of abandoning her. I feel trapped and alone. Everytime i look at my pills i have to force myself to resist another suicide attempt. I just want to end it all and i have no other avenue to express my emotions but here. It just feels like everytime i try to take a chance, it gets thrown back in my face.


I don’t think there’s anything really wrong with YOU at all.
As a mum, yours is a complete and utter failure, no praise, no nurturing, no pride in your studies, just endless complaints undermining every bit of your self esteem. She just doesn’t realise how bright and talented you are to get so far in your academic career for a start.
The only solution I can see is to leave home, to separate yourself completely from her to be the man you really are. I don’t make this suggestion lightly, but she is wrecking your life. Yes, it would mean “abandoning” her, but you are NOT THERE TO BE HER SLAVE. She has brought this on herself, and is only undermining you so much to keep you with her. Selfish doesn’t begin to describe it.
I could write a whole lot more, using much more forthright language, but sadly the mods would delete the words I’d like to use immediately!!

You have so much to live for, if you take a big step back and think for a while… You are talented in your own right. Doing a post grad degree proves that. Well done and please continue. You obviously have things to offer to people who will be grateful to you, not kick you in the face. So I agree, move away, as soon as you can, to the temporary accommodation, and start the ladder of a better life. You say you are religious, so is there anyone in your place of worship who you can talk to, and maybe they can offer advice? Your mother didn’t keep to her side of the bargain when she begged you to stay so isn’t worthy of another chance. If you end up in hospital she will have to cope!! I understand it will be a very difficult thing to do,to move on, but you must. You have done your very best and more, to no avail, so now is the time to put yourself first.

Jas, I have been through similar and it is true you should look to your own well being first. Please find help from your religion support people or your GP and focus on getting well. Only then can you be strong enough to offer some help to Mum. You do not have to give all you have to being a carer, it’s hard enough, we all know this on this forum.

Best wishes


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whenever you feel down please contact the Samaritans.
if phoning isn’t easy there are other ways


Jas, you are not at fault here. Has mum always been like this?
You should try and find her some respite care, or a residential home. It sounds as though she needs a complete review of her medication. You need a break. Your own health is suffering. Go and see your GP explain how you are feeling, if the offer of temporary accommodation is offered again, you must accept. You are not her slave and whipping post, despite how she is expecting you to be.
The next time she criticised you, walk away. Yes, she will shout and protest but small steps turn into giant leaps. Xx