I am new to this forum and am a member of another couple of forums, but on doing an online search, decided to join this one too. My husband has Mixed Personality Disorder, is emotionally unstable and has OCD. He was diagnosed last year, but chose not to seek treatment and quickly came off the medication after his diagnosis. He is also my carer as I am physically disabled with Spina Bifida, but my local carers centre suggested I was his carer also as I do quite a lot to support my husband. To explain further, my husband has a lot of phobias which have increased a lot over the last year and he doesn’t leave the house now at all due to being “frightened of society” and is upset by neighbours making noise such as shutting car doors/making noise inside or outside, children playing outside in case they kick a football into our garden and he wears ear plugs and headphones constantly throughout the day, he also doesn’t sleep in a bed because he is frightened that our next door neighbour makes noise so sleeps on a mattress in a sleeping bag on our living room floor. People also coming to the door agitates him if they knock loudly on the door and we don’t have a doorbell now because it was making him anxious people ringing it, we have most of our blinds and curtains shut because he can’t look out onto the street and is frightened to do so. Basically he has very complex fears which the GP and CMHT team know about, but he will not seek treatment for this, but thinks that society are the ones who are at fault. He easily gets distressed and struggles with his temper and he seems to be triggered by different things multiple times a day, resulting in him throwing things, punching holes in doors, self-harming, talking of suicide all the time, he blames me for everything and tells me he was “normal” until he met me. He now denies that he has a Personality Disorder, saying instead that he has PTSD which has been caused by the way I treat him/have treated him in the past and is very abusive verbally to me which upsets me a lot. In the past he has been violent towards me for which I phoned the police and he was arrested and charged with a fine. We have tried to put that behind us, but he brings it up all the time that I got him into trouble and he can never forgive me, I have always abused him and abandoned him and so have my family, which I have not done. I am not saying I am perfect, but I have never abused anyone in my life! His behaviour seems to be getting worse with every passing day and I am so down and upset and just feel that I can’t cope. I have been to see a Counsellor but those sessions have recently come to an end. I do have some support from a couple of organisations such as my local Carers Centre, Healthy Connections and Support in Mind and meet up with their support workers from time to time. I try to get out as much as I can and am a member of a knitting group and do Tai Chi, but occasionally have to cancel things at the last minute due to my husband’s behaviour.
We live in a semi-rural village and my parents and friends live over an hour away from us so I feel quite alone with things. When I do see them I just put on a happy face and don’t tell them about what goes on at home. I find that my physical health is failing a bit now due to stress I think and this probably adds on to my husband’s stress and doesn’t help with his mental health.
I try speaking to him to encourage him to speak to someone about the way he feels, but this is just met with an angry response. He has relatives, but they never contact him and he has no friends left. I know loneliness is a big part of his problem too. I basically go through the day walking on eggshells so as not to trigger an angry scene from him. Even our cat is stressed by him! I do try to validate and listen to him as much as I can and have totally researched Personality Disorders since he was diagnosed. He tells me of how “he is the victim in everything and how nobody cares about him”. He thinks a curse was put on him many years ago and that is why he is the way he is. I feel that I am just on a merry-go-round and feel totally overwhelmed by this. I do think about leaving, but know that he would struggle to cope without me plus if I do mention leaving he tells me that he will commit suicide. I hear the same words from him every day, “abandoned, betrayed, controlled and oppressed” and he accuses me of all of them. I know that a lot of the time it is his illness talking, but I just feel so pulled down by the situation and feel a complete failure that I can’t help him. I have tried to put boundaries in place, but he just walks all over them.
I know that probably nobody can help me, but I guess I just need to vent and wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation to me? Apologies if I have just ranted on here and thank you for reading. All the best.