Sue, it’s OK, I’d like to have a rant at those who discharged him!!!
How dare they, no honesty, no Carers Assessment. He can’t or won’t even do his teeth or use the loo??? Then he’s down to toddler level I’m afraid. The staff are supposed to be supporting him to get better, the idea that he’s going to be a bit tired for a while is pathetic to me. They should have been telling him it was absolutely vital that he gave it his best shot from the moment he came home to you, and therefore avoid permanent residential care. I’m sorry to be horrible, but nothing is going to change unless YOU force it to. Probably by calling an ambulance and saying you cannot and will not care for him any more when he soils himself next. My concern is that you don’t let it drag on until you injure yourself or have a breakdown. You haven’t failed him, he’s failed you.
@bowlingbun… thanks just had a hugh bust up with him as he keeps saying he’s tried and we’re going round in circles with me saying that he didn’t try just before he got into bed and him saying he did when he didn’t. Just walked away and left him and he’s now constantly yelling for me!!!
@Sue24 BB Is right - I am worried about you as you are a very caring person. It seems pretty obvious Phil is not going to meet you half way. I agree with regard to calling an ambulance and saying you cannot and will not care for him. You must NOT try to clean him up. Ignore him - so very very hard to do I know.
Sue - well all empathise with your situation - that is the great thing about this forum.
Everyone is saying the same thing. It’s so so hard for you but you need to keep thinking of YOURSELF.
Do you have an out of hours number for Carers? If so USE IT NOW. If you don’t then GP out of hours number or if they won’t help then as others are saying 999 and say he is in danger and YOU cannot care for him, so if no one comes out then you want it recording that you have stated this was an Unsafe Discharge and he is in danger. Keep on at them and do not be fobbed off. They have their scripts but you don’t have to accept no for an answer.
@selinakylie….thank you, I can’t help someone who won’t help himself. If he does go overnight I’ll leave him as he has to understand that he put himself in that position. I’m not going to call an ambulance as I would hate to take one away from someone who would genuinely need one. I’m going to speak to a social worker on Monday to let them know of my plan to buy him out so he can afford to go into a care home to get the care and support that he needs. I’m also going to speak to a solicitor to find out how to proceed with regard to it all. I already have a solicitors appointment for next Weds with a family law lawyer but think I may need a different type of lawyer as need to discuss the financial side of things and how we move forward re this. I’ll call them on Monday to check.
Do NOT buy him out, it’s money down the drain. As you are living there the house value should not be taken into consideration in a financial assessment by Social Services. If he is still yelling record him on your mobile phone as clear evidence of what he is doing so he cannot deny it later. Demand Emergency respite from Social Services as you refuse to care. There is always a duty social worker on call.
@Sue24 sorry to hear Phil is playing up with you. I would try and get the district nurses to call in and do a check, than speak to safeguarding. Phil is not well and if he having trouble going he might need to go back to hospital as he having trouble to see if they can give him something but they have got some one there who could help keep a eye on him than you having to stay awake.
Hugs
@bowlingbun…I’ll talk to the solicitor. Phil is entitled to half the value of the house we sold a couple of years ago to move here.
Yes, that’s treated differently from the house you live in. It’s all so sad.
Sue.
Dorset County have emergency contact numbers for Adult Care:
This is from their website:( Adult social care - Dorset Council)
Outside of these office hours, our out of hours service is available (on the same number 01305 221016 or 01305 221000) for any emergency Adult Social Care enquiries.
The Adult Social Care out of hours service:
** provides information advice and guidance**
** seek to arrange emergency cover and access to essential **
** services, and where necessary, make visits to further assess **
** needs and provide services**
I am sure you already have the contact details but please do use them - that’s what they are there for. As it states ‘arrange emergency cover…visit to further assess needs’.
That means night time and weekends.
@Sue24, I know that you are struggling with Phil but have a good old think about it. Speak to the samaritian. OK you can leave him but if he does go in the night to the bathroom and is in a mess just be careful that the carers don’t open a can of worms and speak to safeguarding that he been left like that. Do as @bowlingbun say try the duty social worker who should attend from social services unless they are hiding. Look after yourself sue, just don’t do the wrong thing as you are understress as you both need time to reajust to get lives settle as there been a wide gap of being away from each other.
I’ve just called the out of hours emergency service for the PICS team and expressed my concerns and that I think this is an unsafe discharge from the care home and asked them to note my concerns. They’ve assured me I can call them overnight if Phil needs assistance. They’re also going to arrange for a social worker to call me on Monday to discuss this further.
Well done.
Just dont hesitate to call them again.
With you in spirit.
@Sue24 Huge cyber hugs from me. So glad you are taking legal advice - was going to suggest it earlier but did not want to upset you. You really do need Phil out of your home, if he cannot or will not co-operate, as I agree with the other comments - he is a danger to himself and to YOU.
You are in my thoughts as I know how hard this must be for you. You really have gone the extra mile to get Phil help and support to move back . Totally agree it was an 'unsafe discharge;.
@Sue24 standing alongside you, as always.
In the smallest moments you can grab take some calming deep breaths - you’re doing amazing but you’re also doing a lot in the 24/7 of it all.
This stream of events echoes the events where we first met you - so I’m REALLY glad you’re ‘disrupting’ a repeat of what happened - for Phil’s sake and yours, he needs more than the support you can’t give him at home and the situation itself is proof that the carer/enablement team, in community support, is insufficient.
Here/on message if you need support/ideas/thoughts on helpful questions for solicitor
Sue, thinking of you.
So all Phils test results have come back from tests nurses did yesterday and all clear. He doesn’t have a UTI so I have no idea why he’s been like he was?
I’ve spoke to a social worker and they’re looking into if this was an unsafe discharge. I’ve explained to them that I feel it’s unsafe for him to be home and that I don’t want to care for him and am unable to do this so we’ll see what happens next.
@Sue24 .Heart goes out to you. I would personally confirm the conversation you had with them in writing. Maybe get onto the hospital too with regard to getting it on file, that in your opinion, it was an unsafe discharge? I am sure BB and Charles and Victoria can probably give better advice but wanted to know that we are here for you. You do have to ‘stick to your guns’ and 110% know how very hard this is going to be for you. But think of YOUR ‘quality of life’ mediuim and long term?
When you confirm in writing what you and the social worker talked about this morning, be sure to set a definite date for when everything must be sorted, and Phil leaves. I know this sounds awful, but there is a very real danger that otherwise it will drift on and on without any sense of urgency. I’ve known it happen so many other times. The test results all being OK means that there is no obvious explanation for how he has been since home again. Big HUGS from me, I know how emotionally wrung out after this sort of meeting I am.
Adult social care have advised me that as there is already a package of care in place the carers will
refer back to Adult Social care and that it does sound as though this is an unsafe discharge and that the lady I spoke to last week on the carers out of hours service has been in touch with the duty worker to see if this was an unsafe discharge.
I’ll speak to Vicki tomorrow as she’s not back until then. Vicki is the key worker and PICS have confirmed she’ll be in touch with me tomorrow.