My mother is doing her best to “keep going” and it’s become really hard for me to see her doing this as she’s struggling so much. I don’t want to take her independence away but she needs to accept reality that she probably shouldn’t be doing some of these household chores anymore. Part of the issue is she’s trying to stay busy, as if she doesn’t do these things, she really doesn’t have anything else to fill her time. She can’t “relax” and watch TV or do hobbies all day.
What’s most disturbing for me and it hard to describe is she now is making funny little noises when she is active, not sitting. It’s kind of like panting or huffing, like if you were lifting weights in the gym but much more subtle. I suffer with misophnia already and this is also really stressing me out. I don’t know whether she’s even aware of it, but I know she wouldn’t take it well if I bring it up, like a personal attack.
Just my thoughts, don’t know whether it is coherent 
1 Like
Hey @SimonA, my mum has been in the same position and part of that is due to fact of how years ago before a lot of wonder mental health tablets to help people,their idea of doctors and mental health professionals would tell their clients to get better is to keep busy and it can be a hard cycle to break. Sometimes when this happens with mum we know there is something wrong with her. Best thing is to get people into help with things and see if there are groups she like to join.
1 Like
Sounds a bit like my Mum. Bless her, she can’t even get up off the couch without being helped but wants to help me when I am cooking.
She’s slowly losing it and it really upsets me. She sounds like she is in a lot of pain and is constantly watching the clock which is so annoying when you are trying to have a conversation with her. Or she does this other thing where she gets right on the edge of the couch and I fear she is going to fall off. When I tell her to sit back or try to help her, she gets all discombobulated.
@SimonA Hi and Morning…I’m on my first coffee …still trying to wake up…
Could you possibly share a little more about your situation?
How old is your mother and has she been diagnosed with an illness?
Has she seen her GP recently? Or how is she about seeing doctors?
I think anyone feeling like they are becoming less capable of doing things gets very defensive as you say. Denial is easier than reality. I know it must be really hard watching her AND now hearing her struggle.
Perhaps for both your sakes, you could talk to the GP - see if you can get a check up for your Mum, explaining your worries to the GP…then, if you can ask your Mother if she’d do the check up
Something you can maybe to say to her: That you need to feel reassured that she’s okay, your worried because you hear these noises and want to ensure she’s ok…for your sake, can she do a check up
But see if YOU can talk to the GP first
I’m not a doctor but from what you’ve described it sounds like she’s ‘getting breathless with exertion, and having difficulties catching her breath when she’s doing simple chores’
do you know what her blood pressure is like?
You can get a machine from Amazon or Boots.…it’s a handy thing to have at home, and you can test yourself and then her. Testing BP at different times of day can be handy information for the GP…Just a thought, and perhaps easier for her to accept first before agreeing to see a GP…
You can also get an oximeter on Amazon- that measures oxygen levels and Pulse rate (beats per minute BPM)
The oxygen level can be a good measure if you think she’s panting having difficulties breathing…
You can find videos and instructions via google on both these things…We use them a lot! I hope that helps @SimonA Take care
@SimonA My mother is exactly the same, I think it’s a generational thing. Her heart condition causes her to lose her breath and almost hyperventilate when doing the smallest chore but she still insists that she is fine and doesn’t need help. When the Carer comes they seem to sit around drinking tea and chatting. That is great for the companionship side of things but a disaster for the cooking, cleaning and washing. My Mum likes the sense of being in control and doesn’t want others to know she is vulnerable. “Sit down Mum and let me do it” has become my mantra, but she hates it. I tried telling her it’s the same as when I was a small baby and toddler and she used to do things for me, but I don’t think that was the right approach somehow! COYS by the way! 
