Hi everyone, my first post here. We’ve been on a rollercoaster all year.
My elderly mother is now 80 and has mild dementia and COPD.
She’s been in hospital since July, first for a COPD exasperation, we were told to say our goodbyes as they turned the ventilator off at 10am one day and then 4 hours later she sat bolt upright needing the toilet like nothing had happened. They apologised and said they’d got it wrong and given too much oxygen.
Then as she was about to be released from hospital she fell at 4am climbing herself out of her hospital bed and broke her hip and pelvis. This resulted in surgery to pin her hip and a long term recovery in hospital.
Then as there was a delay to physio, after 10 weeks she was moved to a residential home for 6 weeks reablement with a view to then going home. But after 7 weeks still no physio and instead she then got pneumonia and was re-hospitalised.
And during all of this the various hospital wards have managed to lose 3 of her privately procured hearing aids.
I’m at the end of my patience and all she does is shout ‘help’, ‘help’ ’help me’ on repeat in hospital and my brother and I can’t help her. It’s heartbreaking.
I really don’t know how I can keep going with this, it’s so hard.
Hi! I’m sending some BIG empathetic hugs.
Glad to see you’ve found us and reached out.
I’m SOOOOO sorry to hear about the pain, heartache and all the events you’ve all been through. Sadly, whilst I want to say it’s unbelievable how terrible your experience has been, I can easily believe amidst all the other experiences that are shared here, how this has happened.
I’m glad that you have your brother with you on this rollercoaster.
So your Mum’s In a hospital ward now, and is having antibiotics and treatment for the pneumonia as well as having issues with her mobility due to the lack of physio for her hip - is that the state of things ?
How’s her general welfare on the ward? FYI the chaplaincy (regardless of faith, religion or denomination) is a good resource to check in on her in non-visiting hours of the day, esp if she has mild dementia. The Chaplain service can offer bedside chats and support to your Mum - this could alleviate some of your worries?!?
You need more support through the journey - several folks on here can share their ideas…you’ll see from my profile that I looked after my day through palliative, and end of life care and I’m looking after my Mum now…Dad self discharged but we also had some VERY difficult to-fro hospitalisations…
It’s ALL heartbreaking and I’m sending HUGE hugs because the reality is you can’t do everything to protect them OR prevent issues OR make everything ok…we wish we could…You are doing the best you can and that’s already an amazing amount.
Your reaching out here, is a sign that you know you need support, and probably burning out on your energy and efforts…
Have you looked at potential resources locally that could support you and your Mum…OR do you or your Mum have friends? Perhaps if they can understand the situation, they could go see your Mum and distract her, and spend time to comfort her too??
Do you have ways to destress? to Vent frustrations?? Please be aware you’re in a marathon of events here…not a sprint…even if you’ve gone through what was meant to be her passing via the ventilator…
With dad, I kept feeling like an elastic band …stretched and stretched and about to ‘ping’ break…bu somehow I kept stretching…and that was over months…BUT I did a 20min run each day, and it felt like 4-6mths of a LONG day…
No sure if that really helps…I HEAR YOU I see you and I feel BIG empathy for what you’re going through…you’ve obviously been doing loads, do you have any specific questions - lots of lovely people will be along…
probably the nightowls or 3am-ers who can’t get sleep…
What are the hospital doing to help ease mum’s distress? As mum broke bones due to poor supervision, surely she should be getting especially good care?! Have you made a formal complaint about that to the CEO of the hospital? Alerted CQC? It should not have happened of course. Is her chest improving at all? You know her better than anyone else, trust your instincts. My disabled mum developed sepsis and lost her ability to walk. 7 months of hospital visiting was a total nightmare,
Everyone seems to think it’s easier for the carer to have a caree in hospital, it’s not!.
Try to have a “be kind to myself” day now and then. PS After a busy day cooking I sat on my bed about 8pm planning all sorts of paperwork jobs but my eyelids had other ideas and I’ve already had 4 hours sleep!