Hi, New here and my father is needing more help

Hi… Hope everyone is doing well

I have become increasingly more concerned for my fathers well being lately, He is spending less and less time cleaning up his home or caring about his diet etc, he lives alone with his dog and due to being a stubborn person he has always declined my offers to help with cleaning or shopping, or getting a cleaner to help out.

His house has no adaptations or alarms which he previously has had in other places he has lived before, also recently he admitted that he finds it incredible difficult or impossible to get out of the bath at times.
I explained that it was a potentially dangerous situation if he can’t guarentee he can safely get in and out of the bath and that maybe some changes needed to be made to the home or maybe find a new home that suits his needs better. He also has on going medical issues regarding his breathing and mobility. Another reason I am worried is that he has no one else that would/could check on him or help provide care.

I live over an over an hour away driving (approx 30 miles) and only have a car when my other half is not at work, which hinders my ability to help care for him, which he evidently seems to need at the moment. During this pandemic I have been visiting every week to ensure he has sufficent food/goods to last through till I am next able to visit. I would like to visit more often but the cost of fuel and our low income means that we are not able to do that.

My partner is in full time work and I am currently unemployed now, Although I am also working on starting my own business which will hopefully make our financial issues easier to deal with in the future.

I am interested in anyones opinion as to what to do next, I have done a little research and it seems he needs a care needs assessment, to determine his care requirements?

I am not fully up to speed with what his financial situation is so i couldnt tell you what benefits etc he is in receipt of at this time but I can get that information if needed.

Thanks for your time everyone

Kind regards


Hello Vyn & Welcome

Father requires a needs assessment…


And you a carers assessment…

Fathers age ?

Thanks for the quick reply,

He is 65 as far as my sources tell me lol

Dad is fairly young to need so much help and support.
Is there something about his health he’s not telling you about??
The issue of the bath is easily fixed, my disabled mum had a “rise and fall” bath seat, provided free by Social Services for as long as she needed it.
Is he claiming Attendance Allowance?
At 65 he is under state pension age now. What work did he do, and when did he retire?

Yours Father’s age is important so we can advice on benefits etc.

Has he every had an O/T visit the home. To look at aids and adaptations. If not you can make a referral to his G.P.

He is receiving benefits for being disabled, he has arthritis across most of his body quite badly, a replaced shoulder joint.
He suffers from asthma and possibly c.o.p.d, i’m not sure about attendance allowance, he has been quite independent until recently and for that reason i wasn’t involved in his care at all until now.

I know he retired some time ago due to the medical issues he has, he also has a mobility car he will have to give up using soon due to his eye sight deteriorating.

I’m sorry I am not fully up to speed with his financial situation and his medical history, its only recently I have had to know his situation in any detail and being the private person he is means he has never divulged much of his affairs to me really, until now that is.

Also being a bit naive to the process I have not asked him some of the questions here, but I will get back with that information when i have the chance to find it out.

thanks for your reply

I don’t think he has ever had an occupational therapist visit his home, or if that has happened he has never mentioned it to me, but i can ask him to be sure.

I will make the referral, thanks for the advice

he also has a mobility car he will have to give up using soon due to his eye sight deteriorating.

A mobility car do you mean from Motability …

There is a possibility if father wanted to keep the car. And someone else drive it for him. Read the above link.

If he has a mobility car that means he is receiving a benefit for his disability.
From what you have told us, he would benefit from support from a carer/cleaner.
Does he have a tumble dryer, a dishwasher?
He might be entitled to help to make his home better, maybe a walk in shower, but unless he wants this and agrees, it’s pointless. My mum was difficult too! I struggled for 30 years.

Yes a motability car, thanks for the link, i read it all so hopefully whoever cares for him will be able to use his car too which will help him stay mobile.

I really do think he needs a cleaner, help preparing meals, and with other tasks like shopping etc

he actually doesn’t have a tumble dryer or dishwasher or even a washing machine, he has always until recently used the local launderette… but again its something i want to remedy as soon as possible.

Yes, acknowledging his declining health has been the hardest part for him, he is now starting to recognise that he does need help, but its been a bit of a slow progress but then i don’t suppose it’s easy for most people to accept.

I’m hoping to arm myself with all the information he needs so we know what can be done for him.