I’m Alison and we’ve had my 87 year old father living with us for the last year. He has short term memory issues and has a stoma and self catheterises after bowel cancer surgery. I’ve just had to go in and clean the bathroom and carpets and strip the bed after his latest accident. I’m now sitting in tears as I hate myself for not being able to hide my irritation from him when he must feel bad enough about it. I feel that my role as career is stripping away our relationship as father and daughter. Do other people feel the same way.

It is time either to massively increase the help you have with dad at home, or to consider residential care. I know this isn’t what either of you want, but it’s probably what dad needs.
It’s a shame you moved dad in with you, the wrong thing, for the best of reasons I’m afraid.
It’s not just dad getting older, but you too. I’m now 69, very conscious of the fact that my energy level have dropped hugely.
When did dad last have a Needs Assessment?
When did you last have a Carers Assessment?