I am 70 years old,registered severely partially sighted,I am a diabetic with neuropathy and severe arthritis and rheumatism.I live with my autistic 30 year old son who also has mobility problems,he can’t do much for himself in the way of general everyday things so I have to do everything for him,cooking ,helping him shower cleaning he’s teeth ect. I’m finding it all too much lately,I keep burning my hands cooking and cut my fingers open on a regular basis.There are starting to be times when I don’t think I can carry on,I haven’t left the house for over 4 years apart from taking him to appointments,all our food shopping ect is done online.We have no family willing to help us.I asked social services for help but they said they’ve already given him carer but we left them which is true but the first agency the carer used to physically abuse my son,the second made him walk-( and called him a lazy b*******,)which resulted in all the veins in he’s feet bursting,he couldn’t stand for 2 weeks and the other one said he was a buddy and was free so it was what he wanted to do and hours he wanted to do,turned out he wasn’t free and I received a bill for £1400 with 7 days to pay it.but social services said we were too picky and won’t help even knowing our situation,they won’t even give us a social worker.

Hi & welcome Marilyn

What a dreadful situation you find yourself in. I think you need a local carers group and/or an advocate to help you deal with Social services etc. Additionally, make contact with Autism UK .

Does your son use a mobility aid like a wheelchair or scooter. If not would he be able to use one with support.

Are you both in receipt of entitled too disability benefits.

Has social service ever raised the subject of funding you(direct payments). To allow you to choose your own care staff.
Please don’t despair I think getting someone to advocate with social services. This is first port of call.
Your local Citizen’s Advice can signpost you to where you need to be.


that’s ridiculous. Physical abuse and making your son walk and causing his feet physical harm are both safeguarding concerns and should have been treated as such by social care and investigated.

It sounds like you both need support now. I an ideal world what support would you like in the short and longer term?


Hi Marilyn

Sounds like you’re having a tough time. I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum and to highlight some of the options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK.

You may wish to discuss your situation with Carers UK through the helpline - available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email ( Carers UK provide advice and guidance on:

  • Benefits and financial support
  • Your rights as a carer in the workplace
  • Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
  • Services available to carers and the people you care for
  • How to complain effectively and challenge decisions

Carers UK also run online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is today (Monday 5 July), 11.00-12.00 with further sessions shown in that link. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.