I have been looking after my dad who is 87 for 9 years and Tuesday morning he had a stroke, before the stroke he was housebound with very limited mobility and eyesight.
Yesterday just 1 day after being admitted to hospital they want to send him home. I am not well and have various health problems with my back and mobility. There has been absolutely no time for me to make adjustments at home and I have not been able to get any information from the Doctor at the Hospital regarding my dads condition after the stroke. The stroke has affected his speech and ability to understand anything, he is very confused. The Hospital have deemed him physically fit as they say “just the same physical condition as when admitted” but he’s not, he’s very weak and needs assistance to get out of bed and chair. I am so conflicted because I want him home but just don’t think I will be able to cope. I have no idea what to do, any help or advice would be appreciated.
Thank and best wishes
I’m sure others will be responding soon. If you feel you won’t be able to care for him you need to tell the hospital that. They need to evaluate your father’s mobility and confidence and evaluate his living conditions given his mobility. They need to work with social services to ensure his home is ready for him and he has the appropriate care, now that you are unable to care. You shouldn’t be expected to care for him. It sounds like he will need help when he is discharged, either to home or a rehabilitation/care facility.
Be strong and tell the hospital that he needs a care plan before he can come home and refuse to have him home without care help and any necessary equipment.
Putting aside the fact that you would like to have Dad home, no-one can MAKE you care for him. You have to make it very clear to the hospital that without a full care plan in place and a suitably equipped environment, you refuse to re engage with his care. Use words like vulnerable adult and unsafe discharge and a very firm ‘NO’.
Arm yourself with the knowledge Chris has given you the links to, so you know your and your dad’s rights.
Age UK have a factsheet that might be useful to print off, highlight relevant bits and take in with you:
It seems very odd the hospital are saying the fact he is he same physical condition as when admitted, when he was admitted after a stroke. Be very clear with them on how your dad has deteriorated and how his home currently is not equipped to meet his needs. My dad suffered a failed discharge a couple of months ago after being treated in the hospital AMU for a urinary infection and I had to take him back to his GP the following day and get him re-admitted. Nightmare. Good luck.
Thank you all so much for your kind advice and messages, it has been a horrible day so forgive me if I don’t make much sense.
My dad was very upset and confused tonight in hospital, I broke down and had to come home. The physio team want to discharge him tomorrow or Saturday but there is still no care package in place. I have spoken with the nurses and they said I will be contacted by social worker next week sometime. I am so scared that I won’t be able to cope especially as the last few days has left me feeling ill. I feel so confused and just want to cry all the time. I feel so guilty because I love my dad so much and feel like I’ve let him down. I am going to ring his GP tomorrow and see if they can help me.
the hospital are not putting your Dad’s needs first - they just want their bed back. Please don’t feel guilty. Members on here say change the name of the emotion you are feeling from guilty to sad. You are sad that your Dad is so unwell and is confused by the stroke.
Do not have him home, until the new care package is in place, if you do, then you could be struggling and waiting weeks - there will be no urgency for the various agencies to sort things out. If the hospital are intent on discharging him and his home is not ready, with adequate care in place - then they will need to arrange a rehab/care/nursing home for the interim.
It might be that your Dad actually now needs 24/7 round the clock care and if he does then it might not be appropriate for him to ever return home. However, it is early days and these first few months post stroke are when the most improvements are made.
He needs physio and exercises, speech therapy etc to ensure he recovers as well as he is able. Is he ok with swallowing? If his speech and understanding are affected, what supports have been put in place by the hospital to help him communicate and understand?
My dads speech and understanding have been affected, he is able to eat and drink ok.
I phoned his GP today and waiting for Dr to call me back. Have had nothing from hospital but a vague it will be a couple of weeks for the speech therapy but nothing about physio. I am going up hospital this afternoon and I expect that will tell me he is able to come home. I’ve got a new electric bed and chair in place but I’m shattered and my legs have gone, I need both knees replacing and have spinal stenosis. I’m dreading seeing my dad because I know the guilt will overtake me. Will see what today brings. Thank you for your reply
Dad got discharged Friday night because the physio team said he was able to stand with a frame and walk a few feet. Friday night he fell out of bed, banged his head and fractured his hip. He is now back on the stroke ward in the Hospital.
I phoned social services this morning and they are now aware of my dad and are going to get back to me.
It’s been really horrible watching him first suffer the stroke then have the fall. I Just feel so tired and upset all the time.