I’m new here and I’m in a bad spot mentally. I’ve been caring for my wife for 8 years now. She had a PIP assessment recently and despite health wise being worse than she’s ever been, they decided to strip me of my carers allowance and say she’s not entitled to PIP. I’m hurt, and I’m angry. Right now I have 15p left for the next week. The electric is going on emergency credit soon and I’ve sent in a mandatory reconsideration.

I’ve noticed myself becoming angrier and angrier as I feel now its harder than ever to do this. I don’t have a choice. I have to make do with what we have. I also don’t have the option of getting a job because my wife needs full time care.

I also suffer with chronic pain and depression. I feel like it’s a struggle not to be irritated and blow up over little things. So I’ve decided to bottle things up but I feel like that’s not working.

I’m hoping people on here might understand where I’m coming from. Anyway, that’s my moan out of the way.

I don’t really do much else but be a carer. And it’s making me resent people just how isolated I’ve become when I could really use some help.

Hello and welcome!

Have you had a needs assessment or not?

Hello Shaun

That’s really tough. It is so hard being a carer without having financial worries on top.

And I think most of us carers feel that caring negatively affects us either physically or mentally or both. It’s not surprising you are feeling irritable. I find that when things go wrong things just pile up and my irritation grows, usually when I feel something is unjust. Or if I feel too much is expected of me. I find exercise helps with this if I want to switch off other times listening to music helps.

Are you able to get out for half an hour walk each day. Exercise is good for relieving tension. But I am not sure if your chronic pain stops you from walking far?

Would be worth going to your GP too.

Cab may be able to help with money advice.

Tell us about your wife?

You MUST appeal about the PIP decision as soon as possible. Over half the appeals are successful. I had to do it myself, the examining doctor had written blatant lies!! So ask for copies of their PIP paperwork.

from web site…

If you disagree with the decision that’s been made about your PIP claim, you can challenge it.

You can challenge the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) decision about PIP if:

you didn’t get it
you got a lower rate than you expected
you think your award isn’t long enough

The latest government statistics show that more than half of PIP decisions are changed after mandatory reconsideration or an appeal to a tribunal, so do challenge the decision if you think it’s wrong. It won’t cost you anything to appeal.

Do not despair yes it’s a set back.

Your local Citizens Advice Bureau can help you.

Had a PIP assessor come round and write absolute nonsense in the report. It was quite distressing how cold and aggressive she was. She made my wife cry and then wrote in the assessment that she appeared calm and not anxious.

I had sent off a mandatory assessment letter and a bunch of supporting evidence. Meanwhile it’s going to be a long time until I hear from them with the outcome I bet. The result letter arrived at Christmas and took two weeks to arrive.

I have. I’ve made sure to photocopy everything and I sent off a lot of paperwork with a lot of detail. I heard it can take months for a reply. There were some absolute lies in the assessment letter so I was just gutted. I was told on the phone when they finally called back that I should send a short letter. I did the opposite. I just wish they cared how much this has set us back. I don’t understand how these assessors can be so cold and cruel.

Thanks for your reply. It helps that people understand. I’ve felt really alone and like the world is on my shoulders.

My wife has PTSD, COPD, Depression, chronic pain, Dupuytrens disease, Menieres disease and has limited mobility in her right arm. The COPD has been debilitating for her. Any temperature change or humidity change can make her lose consciousness. The amount of times I’ve woken up to a thud and realised she’s fallen down because her oxygen levels dropped… My biggest fear is not being there. Losing her.

I love her with everything that I am. And it hurts because she is so proud and it makes her feel humiliated that she can’t do a lot of things anymore. Like cooking, cleaning, putting a top on, washing her hair etc. I don’t know how to make it better because she feels like it robs her of her dignity.

My chronic pain is from Fibromyalgia and a skull fracture in childhood. My GP is very unsympathetic as a person. So she refuses to give me much other than antidepressants to deal with the pain. But I have to work through it. I don’t have an option not to because my wife relies on me. Which can be quite soul destroying when I’m struggling, and I’m trying not to show her how frustrated I am as it’s not her fault.

If anything, I’m frustrated at just how invisible we have both become now we can’t go out or do things for people. Does that make any sense?

Can we ask your ages. An assessors job is to obviously to make sure claimants receive the right benefit. Fundamentally though to get individuals off benefits and back into paid employment.

By the way… Thank you for writing back to me. It really helps. And it’s nice to have a warm welcome, even if it is online and not in person. I honestly really appreciate it.


You had really bad luck with that PIP assessor.
Hopefully you would win an appeal. But that’s not the point you shouldn’t have to. These people just dont realise the stress it causes to those already under severe pressure.

Your wife does need a lot of looking after - so hard on both of you.

Social services should be able to arrange an assessment so that they can put something in place for you to have breaks.

Carers need short breaks to continue caring.

Good luck

Sure! I’m 27 and she’s 52. We have a large age gap I know but that’s irrelevant. I’ve been married since I was 18. Since the COPD started her health has declined hugely. She’s also not used to being so unable to do things as she is a veteran. Used to being self sufficient and proud and all that. I am just angry because it doesn’t have to be this hard. I can do this, but PIP have made our lives so so much harder.

Thank you. I hadn’t considered social services as I didn’t know they dealt with my kind of situation. And thank you for being so kind. It’s nice to know people on here understand. I often feel guilty for being so wound up.


You are welcome.

Just look up needs assessments nhs.

Under the Care Act they must subsequently do a support plan if there are eligible needs. It sounds like there are as you do so much.

Most social workers are lovely The occasional one not so sympathetic. A friend had a social worker initially who they knew they wouldn’t get along with so they rang up the boss and requested a different one. Now they have a really good social worker.

Get acquainted with the Care Act and know your rights.

As with all services they try to save money where they can but that doesn’t stop the duty of care they have to meet eligible needs.

In my experience, you have to let them know that without support it cant go on much longer. But with support you can continue caring for longer.

Your can also contact your local MP. MP’S have direct access to the DWP.


In-fact I’m would be inclined to contact them anyway.