Hello I'm new here!

Hi all. I’ve been a carer for my mum for quite a while now, but her health has recently declined quite a lot…she actually found herself in hospital last week and is now relying on me more and more. We have carers coming 3 times a day…but I do a lot of the night shift and at all other times. Mum is in her late 70s. It’s been quite hard as I work 6 out of 7 days a week full time. I’m looking forward to speaking with other carers and hopefully get advice on anything that arises and existing issues

Welcome to the forum.
Honestly, your workload is UNSUSTAINABLE!
Before mum was discharged, they should have ensured all her needs were assessed, they should have spoken to you about whether you could provide any care, and ensured that everything was in place. Did any of this happen???
You CANNOT be forced to care.
What exactly was she in hospital for?

Hiya thanks for your reply…she was in hospital for a condition that makes your legs swell up and blister/get really sore! My brain is tired atm …ill iry and remember the name of it…it ends in the letter S.
The hospital were short on beds so they discharged her a lot earlier than they should have…the district nurse who comes into change her bandages even said so.
I live with her…but it’s really hard atm as she’s quite demanding!

And no I wasn’t spoken to at all regarding whether I could care for her…I’m happy to…but I has no idea that they were meant to speak to me ie as her carer first! I literally got a phone all from the hospital saying that she was coming home and that was it!

Welcome to the forum! Love the user name!

Hospitals are supposed to check these things, but they know that if they ask you there might be holdups and they want the bed. So they will have asked your Mum. Who, let’s face it, will 100% be keen to get out of the hospital before the doctors change their mind. And as you were providing the care previously, your Mum would be expecting more of the same. She might not have realised she needed more help, or how much pressure that puts on you.

So you’re left with a situation that you might be able to manage for a while, but it’s certain that it is not sustainable in a way that will support your health.

Your best bet at this stage is to contact your local social services and ask for a Needs Assessment for your Mum and a Carers Assessment for yourself, looking at the whole situation and how it can be supported in a way that keeps you well. It should also help you to put together an emergency plan for any time you’re unable to care.

I suggest you look at this: Carer's assessment | Carers UK It will help you to prepare. It will give you a lot to think about, so set aside some time to go through it.


I agree with Greta, cellulitis.
I’ve had it twice, after knee replacements. The first time it was misdiagnosed by Boots, and I ended up having two lots of tablet antibiotics and daily injections!! I know the warning feeling now, when I was in Crete I was bitten on the lower leg by a mosquito. I went to the chemists, who can prescribe antibiotic cream. With the cream and a day of putting my leg up it was all cleared.
Mum should have been transferred to a nursing home to recover, not sent home. I expect she was keen to be discharged and said “It’s OK, my daughter lives with me, she will look after me…” My mum always told everyone how much help I gave her, forgetting to mention that I was also disabled, widowed, running a business and had a brain damaged son!! I have a “Circulation Booster”, electric muscle stimulation from feet upwards. IF mum can use one, i.e. no pacemaker or other illnesses listed, they are wonderful for chasing away excess fluid in the legs when the patient cannot exercise. One of my knees blew up like a balloon, the booster chased it all away in a day or two. Very gentle pleasant feeling too.

Hi horsesandhamsters

As a forum ambassador I wanted to welcome you to the forum and highlight a couple of different options for connecting with others and for getting support from Carers UK should you need it.

Carers UK run online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to. I’m sure you’ll find many other carers are in a similar situation to yourself.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is next Tuesday 11.00-12.00 with further sessions shown in that link. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

I suggest you also get in touch with the Carers UK helpline to discussion your situation and what support is available

The Carers UK Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org). They can help provide support and guidance on:

  • Benefits and financial support
  • Your rights as a carer in the workplace
  • Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
  • Services available to carers and the people you care for
  • How to complain effectively and challenge decisions