Hello I'm joanne

Hi I’m a mum with adult son who suffers with anxiety depression PTSD and a 9 year old with learning difficulties I have no real support network so thought I’d give this a try xx

My 39 year old son has severe learning difficulties due to brain injury at birth.
When did your son last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you, a Carers Assessment?
Are you claiming any benefits? Aware of the Family Fund?

Hi thank you for replying …School has only just told me about his dyslexia and only just been told about the assessment at The last school meeting so I’m in Abit off a fog what I’m ment to do school doing work with him and he has speech therapy. I didn’t know anything about family funds I’m in receipt of cares alowance for my oldest son . Its a bit confusing I have two sons one 25 he suffers anxiety PTSD depresion and hardly ever leaves the house and some days his room and the other boy is 9 and there only just figuring what’s wrong feeling confused and upset why hasn’t he given an assessment years ago sorry for rambling

Joanne, hi and welcome.

Just to say that these days, thankfully, dyslexia is ‘pretty well understood’ so there SHOULD be a ‘tried and tested’ pathway for your son. My brother’s two children, a generation ago, both were dyslexic, and things were ‘more difficult’ then, in terms of both diagnosis, and then how schools should best adapt the learning/teaching methods to take account of dyslexic children’s difficulties with words/numbers etc etc. That said, by the time they went off to uni, things had improved, and they were allowed extra time for exams and so on and so forth, and I think that is pretty ‘standard’ now.

Are you in touch with any support groups specficially for those with dyslexia, or parents thereof? I’m sure these days there must be some, and hearing from other parents who have been where you are now, could be both helpful in practical terms and encouraging. Read up all you can, anyway, so you know what the ‘experts’ etc are talking about.

A quick Internet search for forums for parents of dyslexic children throws up -


There seems to be a lot on mumsnet as well, eg

You may also find your county has a support group to - for example, I’ve seen ‘Dyslexia Cornwall’ come up, and there may be similar for wherever you live.

In respect of your older son, is there any particular ‘cause’ of the trauma behind his PTSD?

I ask because that may be the ‘key problem’ and everything else stems from that?

Is he getting any counselling etc? So easy, alas, for them to ‘hide’ in their rooms, which feels ‘safe’…but, alas, does little to ‘help’ them’…

Are the boy’s dads/dad involved any longer? He/they should be supporting both you, and his/their son/s! (Emotionally, even if not financially!)

You are welcome here, everyone here understands that any new diagnosis takes time to adjust to.
I’m dismayed that it’s taken them so long to identify.

His school should be explaining things to you, and telling you what support they can offer you, and what support is available from Social Services.
You should have been given this information at the same time of the diagnosis, so you didn’t feel like you are now.
Ring the school now and ask who can help you. Ask who is drawing up a support plan for him.
(One of our forum members is also a teacher, she will be along presently with more help and advice presently, I’m sure).

Thank you for all your replys I will take on board everything said … nope boys dads are no support sadly . I think I now know we’re to go from here I’ve been in touch with my local cares hub waiting to here back from them. it’s having two very distinct issues. Can be overwhelming at times ha I have to be mum n carere plus odd job person, cleaner ,entertainer,cook, personal,shoper, and everything in between ha I feel guilty when I do something for myself I’ve taken up swimming lessons and always done art that’s kept me sain. I have numerous health problems my self but as you know we battle on put our selves second

Hi Joanne
Yes you have 2 every different caring situations. My boy now in his 20s has anxiety and depression . Hes only been to the doctors once so has no diagnosis and therefore no help other than us his parents.
I found the free courses on Young people and Mental health on future learn a good help, and to find other parents in similar situations

We also made clear house rules that he has to abide by, a bit like when he was a small child. I also found reasons for him to go out, even if it was just to post a letter or get some milk ( the letter were often dummies and the milk had been poured down the sink :blush: ) Slowly we increased the errands and eventually he was going out everyday.
We kept repeating that support was there when he was ready and one day after a particularly bad time he agreed to try counselling but he chose the counsellor from the local list. We both work so could pay for it. After nearly a year he suddenly seemed better and is now functioning quite well. Overall it has taken about 3 years to undo the previous 3 or 4 years lost to depression.

Please make sure your eldest knows there is support out there, either CBT which he can self refer for, there’s no need to go vis GP or by various websites such as Young minds, the Mix or counselling. You will need to repeat this at intervals because in the depths of depression it won’t go in to his head.

We didn’t allow our boy to cover up in any way, he still had to pay us (nominal ) rent and housekeeping. He had to do chores “like all the other adults in the hiuse”, he still had to sign on and manage on very little money. We didn’t bail him out moneywise or let him hide from the real world. We did encourage and support every tiny step forward, encouraging gym useage, healthy eating, praising for anything good - even getting up in the morning.
Eventually it seems to have worked.

Maybe something like this would help your boy too. We were desperate at times because without his agreement there was no hope of NHS or SS help as they regarded him as an adult. so we had to do it alone.

It really helped me to look after myself through all this because the guilt, the sadness the anger and the shame nearly broke me. I had to be strong emotiinally, and make sure I exercised and had escape and a social life. I also had counselling, some working better than others. The support from this forum has been immense. Sometimes helping others with their problems took my mind off my own

Sorry, this is probably too much too soon. It’s only what seems to have worked for us when I couldn’t find any other way


Very wise advice (as ever!).

It’s a ‘delicate balance’ but your older son MUST ‘do something’ to ‘keep himself alive’. Please do NOT ‘supply everything’. If he wants Wifi (and I’ll bet he does!), or a phone (again, bet he does) he must ‘earn’ it, at the very least, with helping you in the house. Don’t automatically do his laundry etc. He must not treat your house as his ‘free hotel’.

Or it will ‘rot his soul’. And do him NO good at all!