I’ve had a wobble this evening. My next door neighbour is in the same nursing home as my Dad.
Her daughter rang me to say that Dad was concerned that I hadn’t been up to see him today. So I told him that he wasn’t in the lounge when I went, but when he came in that he had read the local free paper that I had taken in, that he had eaten some malt loaf with his afternoon coffee, that he had asked to go to the toilet, and that I had been to get his jumper from his room to go around his shoulders. What am I going to do with him?? When we last saw our GP, she did a memory test with Dad, she said he may have age-related cognitive decline or he may have had some tiny strokes and that this may be the start of vascular dementia. Why is it that as soon as I think things are starting to look up, something comes along that kicks me back down again??
Nadine,
My Granny moved into a care home for her final years, after one fall too many. She used to have a diary and whoever visited wrote in it for her about the visit. For as long as she remembered she could look in it herself. When she could no longer remember to check it, we could read bits for her. Perhaps this would aid your Dad’s memory for awhile.
Is the GP referring your Dad for further tests re his memory?
That reminds me, he asked me to take him his diary. I’ll take it tomorrow and get him to write in it that I have been while I am there. Good thinking, thank you.
Dad has rung me twice in the last half hour. Yet again he couldn’t remember me having been to see him. But he remembered that his cousin and his wife had been. I am going to take the **** phone off him tomorrow or ask the staff to ask him who he is ringing. I was trying to do my cross stitch, but I have given up now I have been interrupted twice. Honestly, talk about no peace for the wicked!
On a lighter(?) note, I had my OHS phone call this morning - 8am!!
We haven’t got an answerphone on the landline, unfortunately. The trouble is, if I don’t answer, he will start worrying. He said when he rang the second time that he “worries about me when he can’t see me” which doesn’t fill me with confidence for the future.
You need to go and buy one, or put a wanted as on Free cycle if funds are tight. Then leave a friendly message. You need to do this for your own sanity. I too had the “I worry about you” whenever I went anywhere after my husband died. You have to accept it’s what the elderly say. Learn to put your own needs first at times.
You couldn’t answer the phone if in the bath, on the loo, or out! Or out of order.Think of it in that light. Maybe tell your dad, the next time he phones, that he mustn’t worry if you can’t answer for a while, you are fine, will be busy?
My lovely late husband phoned me constantly, throughout the night. Eventually, I had to pull the plug, because I was a breaking point. Admittedly he had suffered strokes, and eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia. Have you a mobile, that others can contact you on, but your dad can’t?
It is horrible, I know, and scary, worrying. However you must have some respite, in order to cope.
My hubby was confused about time. If he thought he hadn’t seen me for ages, I would tell what I call kind lies,and say," I did visit love, but you were fast asleep and I didn’t want to wake you,". He seemed content with that.
I’m not saying it will work for you, but a thought.
Phone companies have an answer service too. Maybe contact your provider and check it out, if an answer phone is not for you?
I’ve got a meeting with someone from the therapy team next Wednesday, to discuss Dad’s progress (or non-progress, as the case may be)
I seem to be stuck in limbo again, I don’t know whether I need to be looking into a permanent care place for Dad, or whether the plan is for him to come home or what.
I’m expecting his hospital appointments to start coming through again as he missed two while he was in hospital. I think I would feel a bit better if I knew what was going on with that side of things.
Dad said today that he will be glad when he is out of the home where he is, he said it’s getting him down. I think it’s partly due to the man that keeps calling for the nurse constantly, because it’s the same thing every day, without fail. I have to keep repeating myself when I am talking to Dad because he can’t hear me over the constant shouting.
I don’t know where to start. Dad is not happy at being at the home, he got upset today, he said it was getting him down. He wants out but that isn’t something that can be done overnight.
We have a meeting with the therapy team tomorrow to see what they can do to help Dad and to discuss his progress. I don’t know what to do about this, I am trying to be supportive for my Dad but I have to think about what is going to be best for me as well as all of this has made me ill.
So if anyone has any ideas then please let me know.
The home have rung to say that they have had to get an ambulance for Dad as they found him on the floor.
The paramedics have assessed him and they are not going to take him to the hospital as they are satisfied that he is not injured. I have spoken to him and he said that he is ok.
The nurse said that he had tried to get up from bed - I presume for toileting - but he is still not able to stand up on his own without assistance so I don’t really understand what he was doing trying to get up by himself. He said that he was going out of his mind slowly but surely. He is not the only one!!
Nadine,
he probably just forgot. After a hip operation I was non-weight bearing on one leg for 6 weeks. My cat kindly(!) brought me a 'present" and placed it on the pillow next to me .On waking, I saw it and instinctively jumped out of bed - total agony as I put both feet to the floor and stood equally on both legs.
Have the home risk assessed the incident? Perhaps he needs bed sides?
I have just looked back at your other recent posts. Others with relatives who needed residential care, often say it can take about 6 months for their relative to settle. Don’t make any rash decisions, it’s early days.
Nadine
My husband had a crash mat at the side if his bed, as he thought he could get out, (wasn’t possible). On top of that was an alarm mat. It took at least 6months for him to settle. He confabulatated though. In his dementia world he believed he had been to different places. He once told a new member of staff he had been to the club the night before. The member of staff asked the manager if they did have a social club, he was so convincing! He had a good time so that was good lol.
Hello
So we had the meeting with one of the physios today. Dad no longer needs the standing hoist for most of his transfers, he can use a stand-turner instead. He has also been able to stand and walk on the spot with a delta frame. After a few minutes rest he managed to walk about 2m with the frame, but it was very tiring for him.
However, nobody has really addressed the issue of toileting or how I am going to manage overnight if Dad needs any help as there are few if any care providers that would be able to provide overnight help.
Dad has around 3 weeks left on step-down and I am going nowhere fast. Should I be looking at care homes?
Also, I need to talk to my Dad about the possibility that he will not be able to come home. Where do I even start with that one?
Don’t believe anything that you’ve been told until you’ve witnessed it with your own eyes.
In a hospital environment dad may be able to do what you’ve said, but remember that’s with an OT stood next to him, which won’t happen wherever he goes outside the hospital. In any case, he still has a high risk of falling so when looking at a Continuing Healthcare Checklist Assessment will give him the highest score.
I was once told my mum was ready to be discharged, despite the fact that the discharge nurse hadn’t seen mum walk. I knew she couldn’t without her Zimmer frame, which the ambulance staff hadn’t taken with her when she was admitted.
As soon as I asked from a proper CHC assessment to be done, the discharge was put on hold. A proper assessment was done, mum was such a high fall risk that they said she should never even try to stand ever again, From that day onwards she had to have two staff and a hoist for all transfers!!
.On waking, I saw it and instinctively jumped out of bed - total agony as I put both feet to the floor and stood equally on both legs.