Resentful of mum

So as the title suggests I have just had enough of my mum and her damn needs, they just wont go away. I think for alot of it she is putting so much pressure on me to do what she wants. I am sick of the whinging all the time, all the calls about how she needs something.

Above all she is just a narcissist, and doesnt care about anyone elses needs but her own. I am sick of being reminded everyday about my dad dying two years. I know I have lived with it since. I did all the arrangements, because she could not be bothered and couldn’t wait to go on facebook to get sympathy. I am sick of the daily posts about wanting to harm herself, even all her friends are getting pissed off with it.

I am sick of just been expected to be a mind reader and attend to every need.

She did not bother with any of her children at christmas, no presents not even a merry christmas. All she says is “I miss your dad.” I tell her to go to a gp but she says “I cant, I miss him too much.” She didnt even bother with any of her children on their birthdays.

She doesnt even call to say ‘how are you?’ or ‘how is work?’ She asks nothing of her childrens personal lives.

I am loosing my patience and I am getting so angry at the tiniest little things. This includes getting caught at red lights. I just want nothing to do with her anymore. I am so burnt out. I have been through carers assessments, social workers etc. Nothing is working.

I have already tried to harm myself because I just had enough.

My two young siblings are also reporting the same,

Everytime she messages me, she wants something. All I hear is ‘blah,blah,blah.’ I am sick of hearing about her relationships with men and stories about how she got drunk in the pub to forget about dad for five minutes only for it to make her worse. I am sick of hearing about men that have ghosted her on dating apps, and then hearing that it is my fault because I dont want her to find a relationship. That is not true, if someone could take it all away I would let them.

People will say I have anger problems, but I am just so sick of her and her behaviour. She just infuriates me. I have worked tirelessly to get her help, but she refuses. It is like she is loving this so she can go on facebook and say how sad she is. Yet, even people on there have had enough too. She never learns.

I just want to walk away and I need my own space.

There is a way out but you need to be tough.

You must ignore mum totally now.
Maybe it’s time her social worker met all three of her children together for a “case conference” so that the SW finally understands how you are all feeling?

Yeah I thought so too. My youngest sibling is only 20, she was crying her eyes out to me. I feel so vulnerable yet so angry.

Even when mum messaged me asking a simple question I want to tell her to go away. She is just not a nice presence to be around.

IF you get a message, you don’t have to answer it. It is OK to tell mum to leave you alone. You are not a child.

Yeah. I am expecting a call from the social worker later. Hopefully my mum has accepted the care package.

Mum was crying her eyes out last night saying she was in pain. I told her “just accept the package, and see how it goes”. The fact that she was preparing for today seems hopeful.

However, I just want to relinquish most of my duties for her. She needs more help to get back to herself than I can provide. She is getting too much.

Today my MOT was also due. I was so panicked that I didn’t sleep all night, even though my partner tried to reassure me. It had a service a few months ago, so it was bound to pass. I still panicked. But this is what it’s like. I’m getting wound up all the time over little things and panicking about them.

Recognising just how wound up your are getting because of mum is, in many ways, really helpful. You know exactly the cause of your stress, and now have to be really strong and resist all mum’s behaviour aimed really at just one thing, getting you back again. As you know, she is only concerned about her, not anyone else at all. Absolutely “elderly toddler” behaviour, although she’s not really elderly!

That is just it. I want a mother not a screaming toddler. I suppose if this hasn’t put me off kids I don’t know what will.

She infuriates me and I hate saying that. She also just makes me feel like I resent her. I feel terrible for thinking “why can’t I just have a normal mum,” but then I realise that can never happen. But then on I just think why can’t services provide the help she needs and she might be like she was when I was younger.

I know she can be a better person, but at the same time she needs alot of help. She will never be a normal person.

Everyone knows that she needs assisted living, but there are not enough in the area and there is a huge waiting list. So it could take a while.

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