Greetings everyone! New member here signing in

Hi, I’m Alan_T. I live in South West Devon with my wife and 86 year old Mother. I left my job in retail in 2020 as I was worried that I might catch Covid at work and bring it back into my home. At this time I also began caring for my Mother and have recently been granted Carers Alllowance. My mother is quite good for her age although her short term memory is deteriorating. My wife and I prepare all her meals and supervise her medication. From what I have seen so far, the forum looks helpful and interesting and I’m sure that I will enjoy using it. Best wishes to you all.


Hi Alan, welcome to the forum. I’m glad you find it helpful and interesting. Join in wherever you can and let us know if there is anything you want our advice on.


Hello @Alan_T and welcome to the forum! Pull up a chair, grab a cuppa and make yourself at home!

I’ve been caring for my husband. Graham, since he had a stroke in Dec '21 and that resulted in me having to close our business very suddenly so we lost our source of income. We live in a small village in the Bristol/Bath area. Since the stroke he has had a cascade of illnesses/ailments which have sorely tested us both. Cardiac and respiratory issues; prostate cancer; retinal haemorrhage requiring laser treatment then surgery; Postural Hypotension, all of which has left him with severe mobility issues. On top of that he is Type 2 diabetic. I think you could say he’s led an exciting two years!!!

It’s been a sore trial and I’ve taken solace in the supportive comments and empathy received through the Forum as well as the wealth of advice and information available from members. I have found everyone gives and gives. We all have low days and when that happens there is usually someone on here who can help brighten the day, either with a sympathetic (and empathetic) ear or just by making a silly comment.

You’ll find the “Roll Call” thread is a place where we exchange greetings and have a chat on a fairly regular basis and it’s been described as ‘having a chat over the garden fence’. The lovely thing is that you know no-one will judge and you can share as much or as little as YOU want.

There is loads of information around and if you have questions just ask as it usually turns out that someone has had similar experiences and is happy to share solutions they found or point you in the right direction for help/support.

Hope you have fun.


Thanks very much Chris.

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Hi Alan and welcome.

I care for my 84 year old husband. This Forum is a lifesaver and there is no judgement here just support and empathy. Might be worth joining ‘Roll Call’ or just lurking until you feel comfortable posting.


Hi @Alan_T Welcome! I’m glad that you found your way here!
Here’s a link to the thread the others have mentioned:

Good for you sorting out Carers Allowance!
If you have any questions or need to vent - there’s always someone here to read-listen, offer thoughts or recommendations based on our array of individual experiences.

I’ve been caring since 2015. First helping Mum look after Dad, by taking leave from work, and then in 2017 I resigned and moved back to the UK to help more. I took on Dad’s care more fully in 2019 and Mum was diagnosed with 2 different cancers. Dad passed in Jan 2020 & Mum went through all the surgery, chemo, radio-therapy etc that year. I live with Mum and care for her, but she’s doing well and her cancer is controlled, thanks to targeted drug therapy. around the time I resigned I set up a small business that fits around caring, to keep my hyper-brain tamed :wink:

Hyper-brain tends to leak into silly comments on Roll Call and memes as you’ll find out!
I’ll also confess to moments of ‘soap-boxing’ to pre-empt and caveat myself this week…Autumn statement and Carers Rights Day…

Wishing you a good rest of Sunday, quiet days and restorative sleep


Really @Victoria_1806 - I’d never noticed :rofl: :rofl: Go on - :high_heel:throw it at me :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


HA! You fell into that trap :joy: :rofl: :joy:
Anyways Those are my good red shoes - wouldn’t ever throw them! too much of a waste

I thought you had guests today?!?
@Alan_T 'scuse us whilst we get into a comedic light-sabre, meme comic stand off :wink:
Altho since I’m smaller I think @Chris_22081 'd properly headlock me first :rofl: :joy: :rofl:


Hi Alan, I’m the one who likes to make sure everyone is claiming what they are entitled to!
Does mum still live in her own home?
Have you sorted out Power of Attorney?

Does mum pay you anything for the care you give?
Does she have over £23,000 in savings (Yes/No).
In total I’ve cared for 10 relatives, now just my son M with learning difficulties. I live in the New Forest, widowed, own a steam roller, traction engine and other machinery - my eldest son now lives with me and is in charge of all our “toys”. I’m a needlewoman but ran a national lorry club for about 20 years. Just nuts really!


@Victoria_1806 Yes guest here all weekend - I needed light distraction from the deep and meaningful conversation he is having with G about religion… Glad to have confirmation you are taking care of the red shoes.

And now we have the voice of calm reason - @bowlingbun to remind us to behave.

Sorry @Alan_T - as you can see we have light moments even in serious moments. Don’t you believe her when she claims to be ‘nuts’ her words of wisdom are often worth more than gold and she has such an expanse of knowledge she is a great asset - besides being a wonderful Mum, Grandmum and Great-Grandmum! A GREAT listener too. :sparkling_heart:


Awww I wholeheartedly agree with @Chris_22081 (even when I’m trying to spot him from behind that darn sofa to chuck stuff at him)

@bowlingbun is a font of all-things-benefits & System-wisdom… I’ve relied on her clarity and experience-insights many times!


Chris, you’ve got to be joking, the voice of calm reason?!
Every now and then I put my Sensible hat on. Actually, I’ve had a nice day today, mincing the home made mincemeat, now all in 7 jars waiting for pastry. Meanwhile son and grandson have been playing with the newest addition to our fleet, a portable steam engine. M will be home next weekend, so we’ve changed the boiler joints/gaskets to make sure it’s all OK for M to steam. Hopefully he’ll be up at the house long enough to make the Christmas Cake!


Thanks for your reply Victoria and. for the link to the thread.

Hi Bowling bun and thanks for your reply.
My Mom gets Attendance Allowance and i receive Carers Allowance. She lives with us now and her old house was sold. We hope to sort out Power of Attorney asap. She gives us her Attendance Allowance for the help we provide and she pays a share of the household bills. She has over £23,000 in savings. My wife is now retired and I left work in 2020.

Aww BB - you keep your head with SO much going n around you - doffs cap in respect.

Making your own mincemeat, overseeing the whole family, making Christmas Cake, monitoring M’s Carers and constantly fighting for him, trying to keep up with your needlework…

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Hello and welcome. Nice to meet you too.

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How are you doing today @Alan_T ?

Hi Chris, I’m doing fine thanks, had a quiet day today and just finished a nice Sunday dinner. Hope you and yours are doing well,

Was up at 3am - just couldn’t get back to sleep. 2 dog walks today, put the bins out for morning then fell asleep in front of the fire this afternoon. Nice tea but got a thumping headache so just taken cocodomol and off to bed as soon as Buster has had his pre-bed wee walk along the lane.

Take care.

Horrible when you can’t sleep. Hope you have a better night tonight.