Full time carer for wife and young daughter (1)

I used to work 40 hours a week doing telecommunications, and have worked 40 hours a week as a chef in a busy 4 star restaurant. I miss my working. i always dreamed that i would working and bringing home a good wage and supporting my family. this is all so different though.

i know my wife dreams of being a stay at home mum and able to take care of the baby and the house so its not like shes forced me to quit. But i have to look after her and our daughter and i love them both to death. I just struggle because although i care for my wife there has been no training like with a job, and there is still no sign of her getting support from the local groups as the waiting list goes on for months.

i love being home with my baby girl and getting to see the mile stones that i would miss if i was at work. I just feel so overwhelmed all the time because i feel like what im doing is right or enough. i wish i could have some training or something but i cant leave my wife to do it.

I have signed up to a course online in understanding my wife disability so that i can do it once little one is asleep.

My wife has been so brilliant with having little one, she has learnt to adapt and is amazing with her but without me we wouldn’t be able to go out as my wife needs me to support her when we go out. I have no family near by that can help out so its just me.

Hi David,
I am not a young carer more of an old one really.
It is very strange when our lives take a completely unexpected turn and we have a lifestyle we didn’t expect.
I really hope that you have had a carers assessment from social services.
I am not much good at giving practical information but I. Just wanted to say that your commitment to your family is admirable and you are doing an important job.

Thank you. its just so different than we hoped it was going to be

David, when it became clear my son had severe learning difficulties, my world fell apart, but gradually it came together again. Since then, I’ve studied for a degree in Business Studies, chaired two charities related to LD, and done all sorts of things I could never have imagined. like running a national lorry club for 20 years and organising shows in places as far afield as Liverpool and Chorley, when I live near Southampton!!!
You are probably still mourning your dreams at the moment, but don’t miss opportunities as they come along, especially when your daughter starts going to playgroup, school, Brownies etc… For example, a dad on a PTA committee, or helping at playgroup, doing “men’s stuff” with boys who don’t have a dad. Helping with a nature project, there are so many opportunities waiting for you. Focus on what you and your wife CAN do together, not what you can’t. Mobility will be a key factor, don’t let her get in the habit of staying at home 24/7.
Also try to find a hobby you can follow at home.

i play video games in the evening, sometimes we play together after little one has gone to bed. but my wife bought me 2 video games for christmas so i have them to play. She goes on her laptop or paints and draws while i play. my wife used to volunteer fro a playgroup and did her level 4 in early years education last year but the playgroup shut down so now she has nothing. we used to use her mums dog as a companion during the day to help her get out and about but he passed away last week. and our new flat is 0 pets. if i could get her a support dog that the council would have to accept my life would be so much better. my wife could be a person again.

That sounds a very good plan.
Would it be possible with your wife’s current health issues, for your wife to help at another playgroup?


thank you for the link i will have a look weve been chasing the idea of a support dog for years but can not find any organisations that will help as she is not disabled with her senses or physicality.

my wife only managed to volunteer at the last playgroup as her mum was the manager so sadly another playgroup is out of the question. we have tried contacting the local museum and finding out if they need volunteers but its so hard to get her into anything where she doesnt know people.

as for my video games i play FIFA and Forza.

Have you heard of the website borrow my doggy? I’d recommend it if your wife would like to walk or look after a dog for a day or weekend. Best wishes to you both.

sadly my wife cant borrow a dog as she will be better then severely depressed when the dog is gone. My wife crafts items for raffles for 2 animal rescues and has helped with many smaller animals but because we live in a council place there are no pets allowed.

i remember when we lived in our old flat and she had a rescue cat. her moods were stable, her life had routine and she would spend her evenings cuddling, stroking, brushing and playing with her cat. Sadly when we moved her cat had to go into the rescue. she was devastated

i know that with an emotional support dog to notice her mood changes and provide stability and comfort my wife could achieve a normal day-to-day lifestyle. i know it wont cure things but she would be able to go out without me taking her everywhere. this would mean our daughter could have her mum at all of her events and stuff as she grows up. I know my wife wants to be there but the crowds just make it impossible. i dont want her branded a mum that doesn’t care, because i have been told elsewhere that regardless of her issues she should be able to push them aside and do it for her daughter. SHe tries so hard and when she does it it knocks her out for days after because it drains everything out of her.