Has the time come to give up my job?

Good evening all, first of all I’m pleased i finally gave in to myself and signed up after dealing with struggles for the last 13 years.

I have come up against a big problem which I cant seem to figure out for myself, so hoping someone would kindly offer their opinion.

So my wife has EUPD (what used to be called borderline personality disorder), GAD(Geralised anxiety disorder), and Misophonia, these are all diagnosed. My wife tonight has tried taking her life, she’s in a chronic flare up currently and am doing my best to support her like I have done over the nearly 20 years of being together.

I also have 4 children, 2 of which have Cystic Fibrosis (life limiting illnesses) they need constant medical attention which they’re at risk of not receiving when I return to work this Wednesday. My wife has remained in bed over the last few days so I’m doing my best to keep the house a float.

The problem is that this has been a long time coming and feel it leaves me no choice but to become a full time carer for her and the children in need, my wife can treat the children unfairly with regular verbal abuse and I do my best to sheild them from these outbursts but I cant if I’m not around.

Because the load is so great, I feel my mental health is hanging by a thread currently, and this is without work!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Very best James

I usually say not to give up work under any circumstances, but your workload at home is great. As your children have CF why are you returning to work on Wednesday?
Have you asked Social Services for a Carers Assessment?
How would you manage financially?

Thank you for your response, I’m having to go back to work as my employer has stopped my income until my return, they have already deducted one month from me which has put me in financial trouble so cant afford to loose anymore.

We have social services involved but my wife has all the details on this, I do have a zoom call with them today at 2pm so will bring it up with them then.

Finances would be a huge problem unfortunately, so I really don’t know what to do. I have however acquired a number for a benefits specialist so that will be interesting.

I have contacted my manager today and asked for a weeks holiday pay to extend some time, in order for me to work on things at home. But everyday I leave the house for work, I worry that thing’s at home would become further unstable and the kids would get the intense anger bursts. My son who’s 11 with CF is already showing heavy signs of BPD, so his mind is something I’m working with currently as well. My 2 children with CF obviously need a lot of focus and dedication, and I fear they won’t or indeed haven’t been getting what they need! Social are however aware of this.

I just don’t feel as if I can work anymore, if something can be put in place with a benefit system then I will be taking that option I think. As hopefully people can appreciate, as like many, I’m in a very difficult situation.

Thanks again for your prompt response.

Surely you should be “shielding” as the children have CF?
I’m not an expert on the rules, I’d suggest that you ring ACAS to find out your legal rights.

Did you know that you are “disabled by association” and they should be treating you as if you, yourself, were disabled, and making reasonable adjustment. Google “Coleman Constructive Dismissal” and you will find a similar situation.

No we were given the ok to stop shielding via letter and our consultant, some people have to remain in shielding but our area isn’t one of them.

I didn’t however know that, I will lookup what you’ve suggested now. Thank you for your advice.

I think you should try to manage your time to the least extent. Doing any kind of loss relate to your career on the basis of pressure can be troublesome for future.

Hi James, welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear about your situation, that sounds like a lot to cope with and you should be able to get some sort of help with it.

Have a look through our Work and Career pages and see what your rights are at work and what help you can expect from your employer:


You can also call our advice line on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm and find out what other kind of help you are entitled to.

Best wishes


Hello James

What ages are the children and if at school. Are their schools aware of your situation. Schools can help with referrals to Social Services. Who should be at the very least supporting the children. The children could if it helped have access to some respite. Social Services run services to support families. This doesn’t mean necessarily staying away over night. It can be day time respite. Where the children can just relax and have some fun time. This could also take the pressure away from you and your wife.