Hi im 20 and have been a carer since i was 10 and my dad tried to commit suicide. Right now im just so frustrated with both of my parents. My dads physical health is deteriorating quickly and my mum just makes excuses for his behaviour. He treats us like rubbish half the time and her reasoning is that hes not very well. She knows that his mental health is worse at the minute and that he is paranoid so his version of events is skewed yet she believes him over me. I get it in the neck then from both of them. But mum has no idea shes doing it, she says that shes not making excuses for him but in the same sentence makes excuses for him. My relationship with my dad has always been difficult but i worshipped my mum. Im now starting to think that maybe she isnt the great parent i thought. There were lots of times where she hasnt protected me mentally and emotionally. She knows i have my own mental health issues now and she knows how important it is that i feel like i am strong and not a doormat but at every turn shes asking me to compromise my mental health.

That probably meant no sense but i just needed to say it. Its just the older i get the more disappointed i am in her and i dont know whether thats wrong or not but im trying to get my life together and i feel like i have no support.

If im being stupid please tell me. Sorry for venting

Hi Katie.

We all need to vent sometimes, it’s a common theme, and nothing to feel guilty (or stupid) about.

Just like there are no lessons in being a carer, there are no lessons in being a parent. We all just do what we can in both instances. I thought my parents were a bit crap most of the time, unfortunately my Dad died at age 54, I was 25 and just beginning to get to know him better as I was by this time more mature than when I left home at 18. Working on the basis that women mature earlier than men I’d say you’ve reached the stage where you’re discovering your parents as an adult yourself.

You’re not being stupid at all, just more enlightened, your Mum is supporting your Dad against you as any loyal wife probably would. I know my wife would back me all the way under any circumstances, that’s just how she is.

I was hoping that if I began a reply to your post I would come up with something useful in the way of advice along the way, but any suggestions as to your best course of action have not yet occurred to me.

I feel sure that one of our members will have some useful suggestions later. HTH.

Hi Katie
Do you have a job or are you studying? Reading your post is sounds like you spend alot of your time at home. Please tell us more about your dad’s health problems. Would your mum be able to care for him by herself?
You are young and should be enjoying life. Start thinking about what you want.