For the first time ever

Hi everyone, I’ve not posted here in a LONG time, I’m still caring for my mum, still putting up with her nasty attitude and ways.

But I’ll not digress. I’m changing my like for the better this year.

I’ve joined carers resource, I’ve signed up to mind and I’ve applied to go to college.
I need something other then caring. Mum won’t like the fact that’s probably why I’m not telling her till I’ve properly accepted.

I’m still struggling with daily headaches, with my depression and anxiety. I’ve gone back to CBT for my depression.
I’m so tired of been tired, taken advantage off and been spoken down too.

But for the first time ever I’m putting myself first and I won’t apologize for it…not anymore.

I’ve reconnected with a couple of old friends recently and they’re helping with their support and caring.


For the first time last year I went back to college. I ended up not doing so well the first time around. This is my second and final attempt at gaining a accredited qualification at a approved college near my property. Best wishes. And it is going well. Maybe see if you can find a suitable course at a community college near your house or flat too. Instead alternatively failing that find out if you can learn a new skill in addition. Or brush up on a existing one in a evening class as well.

There are literally tons of course options available these days. Have a look at a few online and make some brief summary notes. You are never too late to learn something new. Remember that saying always. Do not put it off in other more simpler words is what I’m saying here to you. Give it a go. It cannot hurt. Consider what would really float your boat. Speak to a advisor at a community college or sign up to a online college. They do exist.

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Hi there, I’ve been looking at some of the courses I’m interested in and all in all if I do all of them it’ll take me 4½ years to complete everyone.
I’m doing the basics of English and Maths.
Luckily the college I applied for is only a bus journey away .
I’m so excited but also so scared.


Hi LesleyDawn83

Well done! I hope you get accepted for the courses, and that this is a first step towards a new life for you!

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Thank you. I hope so too.
It’s just my mum’s reaction when I tell her that bothers me.


I may sound a little harsh about this: I don’t mean to.

Your Mum has to accept that slavery was abolished almost 200 years ago. Your only duty is to yourself - anything else you choose to do is a bonus. You don’t love your mum any less, you just need to focus on you for now.

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I loved going back to college. I had my O and A levels but then got married to the man I adored, went travelling, kids came along, one brain damaged at birth, so I was actually about 40 when I started a degree for mature students, one day a week. At last, there was something I could do for ME! Looking back I have no idea how I found the time, but it was so good to have something other than the family meals, laundry, etc. to think about. Don’t take on too much to start with. What are you hoping to do with your qualifications at the end of it all?

Just hoping to get some qualifications to my name for the future.


good for you. How exciting. I hope you get a place and make some good friends on the course too. I went back to Uni the autumn before the pandemic. Good for the brain cells and made two great friends too.

I concur. Good luck.

Hi everyone, thank you for all the kind replies.
Now though, I’m excited and scared about been accepted I’m wondering if I’m too stupid for college. As mum constant calls me if I want to do something new and something she won’t like.

Lesley Dawn
Please don’t put yourself down. You are not too stupid for education. Intelligent to realise you want to something different and improve your life. I’m sure you will prove your mum wrong. You go gal!!
When starting working life at 15 ( yes it was back then) I had very little confidence, wasn’t encouraged but over the years have achieved much more than I ever dreamt I would. Its natural to feel nervous. Colleges understand that feeling nervous is part of the nature of some

Sadly, I think mum was trying to demean you so that you would stay to look after her. Parents should be encouraging their children to learn, get good jobs, be happy, get married, not enslave them! Learning as an adult, for yourself, is so different from school. I enjoyed talking to my fellow students as well.


Starting something new is often both exciting and nerve wracking.

Of course you aren’t too stupid for college! Remember the tutors are their to support you, it’s their job!

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Go for it. Good luck. I went back to college nearly a year earlier. While it has been difficult at times I will not give up.

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This is amazing Lesley.

‘I’m so tired of being tired, taken advantage of and been spoken down too’… this statement says it all for me.

The fight back has begun…well done!!!

You deserve happiness. We all do.

Keep us posted on how things go - you’re amazing!


Dear Lesley
I have so much self doubt but I have kept bearing the fear and humiliation of feeling stupid and vulnerable and through endless courses and so many job applications I proved to myself I am good enough just being hard working me.
Find support and keep determined to go to college.
Your great


It’s funny; I always thought if you helped someone they would be most grateful and humble. However I get the impression that even though you go out of your way for someone they can still be cantankerous.

Yeah it’s horrible when the realisation hits!

My Dad became unmanageable and constantly complaining and nothing was ever good enough - whatever food I prepared (having checked what he would like) was wrong; never enough food - yet complaining there was far too much food in the cupboards; the house was never warm enough; no-one ever visited him (yet he had a stream of visitors); It was down to dementia, but most of the rest of the family could not see it. I took the brunt then he turned against me…

Helped a neighbour when her husband went into hospital - 8 months later and still no word of thanks from her only daughter (who just doesn’t care and has visited 4 times so far this year) I said I couldn’t do it any more and she got demanding and stroppy with me. Heard from others who try to help now and they have the same from her ‘do this’, ‘get that’, ‘I need’, ‘I want’. Never ‘could you pick this up when you go shopping’ or ‘would you mind picking up my glasses that I dropped’…

I suppose it is human nature but it does hurt when you put yourself out, doesn’t it?


My mum who has dementia can be very rude to my sister who helps her. I think it’s just the dementia. It removes the filter that was previously there.