For the first time ever

@LesleyDawn83 I’m excited for you. ‘You go hon!’. Also, just to say that anyone learning something new feels discomfort so there will be many others feeling like you do too. So I’m hoping you can make some friendly connections for support. You’re stepping into discomfort and it’s scary…but also very human and natural. The gift you are giving to yourself is being brave and curious Despite the fear, and your Mum. Good for you!!!

@Timothy_1507 depending on the type of dementia all sorts of thinking AND behavior are rewired, as many of us have experienced. What’s said/done in front of people and what happens after they’ve gone can also be very different. Dad used to use all his energy (as a proud highly intelligent ex-doctor) to demonstrate how ‘well’ he was in front of the GP / family - thankfully our GP was wise to his ways but some relatives felt entitled to tell us how to care for Dad or even worse what we were doing wrong.
I wanted to share this because, and I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this, whilst dementia is a cause for your Mum’s behavior, I wouldn’t use it as an excuse, or reason to explain away the hurt your sister may feel by her ‘rudeness’. I was lucky because when we cared for Dad, Mum and I would sit up together after he was in bed, and talk through ‘stuff’. Acknowledging how awful and hurtful some things were enabled us to keep going together. We were lucky to have each other caring for Dad.
Long reply to a short comment! If you’re observing the behavior happen can you chat with your sister about it? Of course, I know nothing of your situation, but your comment just struck a chord.

@Chris_22081 Agree totally! It’s also why, I’ve set hard boundaries with some relatives - a couple fell hard from high pedestals. Disappointment is a hard pill to swallow. Entitlement, egos & lack of empathy; a bad combination.

Timothy your post struck a chord with me too. My lovely husband said some awful things to me, especially when he had delirium,as well as vascular dementia with other health issues. I taught myself, somehow to cope with the negatives and treasure the better days. When he was being awful I used to write an invisible D on my hand to remind me it wasn’t hubby but the illness. Its certainly not easy to watch a loved one decline and almost change personality

Seeing all these replys makes me not so alone anymore and theres people just like me struggling and caring.
It’s just so tiring bearing the brunt of mums attitude and ways. She’s 71 but acts very childlike if she doesn’t get her way and she always talks to me in a accusatory way.

I’ve a couple of questions if you mind me helping me with.

So…my one day a week off to go to college will not effect my carers allowance??

Also will taking a week’s break to go to my aunt’s effect my carers allowance?? I’ve got the care all sorted whilst I’m away (other half has amazingly said he’ll look after her for me) .

I’m nearly 40 and I don’t know what I’m properly entitled to do with my life outside of been a carer.

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It should not do. I took two entire weeks off work in order in May to go abroad. No reduction in my benefits at all.

Hi Lesley

Contact the Helpline at about your benefits. Best to get the most up to date advice, in writing.

Good luck. You are in my prayers.

Thank you, I’ve e-mailed them both questions.

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Hi everyone, here’s ss of the course I’m wanting to do.

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Good luck. All the best too. You can do this.

Good for you Lesley.

Go for it! You can do it! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Studying as an adult because you want to is a million times better than being at school.