New member

Hi, have just joined and am finding the past 2 weeks hard. My mum has mixed dementia and the change in routine for Christmas has really impacted on her, struggling to get her to eat and stay up out of bed. So feeling quite low and lonely as don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.

Welcome to the forum.
A few basic questions tonight.
How old are you and mum?
When was she diagnosed with dementia?
Who owns the house where you both live?
Claiming Attendance Allowance?
Claiming exemption from Council tax?
When did Social Services last do a Needs Assessment for mum, and Carers Assessment for you?

Hopefully, you can get back to the normal routine quite soon. I always think most people find this time of year stressful at some point. We put to must pressure on ourselves. Perhaps next year your will be able to reflect and know what routines to keep in place. This is all normal albeit tiring and something you could do without.

Was there no respite help in place for either of you.

Thanks for the welcome.
She was diagnosed nearly a year ago but had symptoms before then. House is privately rented and in the process of adding my name to the tenancy. On a waiting list for assessment and not receiving any benefits

Not had anyone in to help over the past week so have found it quite hard. Posting here has made me realise that I have put so much pressure on myself to make it perfect and I didn’t need to do that!

House is privately rented and in the process of adding my name to the tenancy. On a waiting list for assessment and not receiving any benefits

Hi Kelly.

Just to spell out the financial position , what income do you have ?

Joint tenancy … joint and several liability.

Does housing benefit enter the equation ?

Best to cement the finances between the pair of you.

A lone carer / caree ?

A partnership but … NOT in the eyes of the TaxMan or Doleman.

( Combine resources to meet all outgoings. )

Hi Kelly, welcome to the forum. Here’s my very rough guide to the benefits situation.

Sort out the benefits situation asap, over the last year you have probably missed out on thousands of pounds which could have been used to make life more comfortable for both of you!

Firstly though, do you have Power of Attorney for mum, or DWP “Appointeeship”?

If you ring up the Attendance Allowance Unit and ask for their forms, when they send them to you, there will be a date by which you should return them. Do NOT miss this deadline. The claim will then be backdated to the day you rang up, but if you go beyond the deadline, it will go from the day you submitted the forms. Keep a copy of the form, and send it back Recorded Delivery.

It’s a very long form, but don’t be scared. Lots of it will not apply to mum. The CAB might help, or a benefits advice centre.

AA is not means tested. If mum is disabled, meets the criteria, she will qualify.

If mum doesn’t have a lot of savings, then being classed as disabled may make her entitled to Pension Credits, but first you need to get the AA sorted out.

If you are a full time carer below pension age, the chances are high that you will qualify for Carers Allowance. How much weekly “time off” do you get? When did you last have a holiday?

As someone with dementia, the Council Tax Exemption should be easy to claim, and it can be backdated.

Once you’ve got the ball rolling about the money, ring Social Services and ask for an updated Needs Assessment for mum, and Carers Assessment for you.

At the top left of this page, you will see some horizontal lines saying “Quick Links”. Click here and you will find all sorts of details about benefits and care.

Feel free to ask the forum about anything at all. Someone on the forum will already have dealt with a similar issue, and will be happy to share their experiences.

Hello Kelly,

I care for my wife who also has dementia and had similar problems over Christmas. We live alone and many of the people we see often who are also carers or cared for were on holiday too. My wife often wants to stay in bed sometimes until the afternoon.
I found that no amount of talking had any effect. The best way seems to be to “ignore” the problem but always be ready when she is. Remember that she is not doing this on purpose. If she decides to get up, don’t refer to the problem, just say hello and ask her if she wants to do something or eat something. Dementia can be very tiring for the person’s brain and sleeping may the best help she can get. When she is up and about you could try Skyping some of her friends if you have the technology.
I hope this of help.

Welcome to the forum. Christmas is such a stressful time and spreads over through the New Year.

As you can see, there are many good people here. The forum certainly has helped me and continues to.