Feeling overwhelmed!

Hi I am a carer for my mum she takes care of her personal care but I look after the house, take her to appointments, look after her finances and be an emotional support. Since my dad died suddenly three years ago she doesn’t like being in the house on her own she gets anxious I live with her. She has spinal stenosis which is a degenerative condition and she is in lots of pain despite being on lots of painkillers, rotator cuff pain and problems with blisters on her legs and nearly died of sepsis back in March which has left her weark.

I suffer from anxiety and stress and just returned to work after being signed off for three months. I am trying to find a balance between being mums carers, my own mental health and work. I requested to drop to a 3 day week from a 4 day week but was told no as the team are short resource. Mum has appointments and my previous manager was happy for me to just make up the time, my new manager referred to the company policy which states I need to make her appointments outwith working hours, take a holiday or can have to time unpaid. I appreciate that this is the policy but surely to goodness managers discretion could be used. I am taking a half day holiday to take mum for her winter vaccines in a few weeks that will take 20 minutes!

I can already feel my stress and anxiety building and just don’t know what to do, is there anything I can do?

Thank for for letting me vent and taking the time to read my post!

Hi @Kirsty13
Welcome to the forum.

Managing caring and working is a real juggling act and can be stressful when the demands of both collide. It’s sounds like your old manager was more accommodating.

Carers UK have information for working carers here:

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/work-and-career/

Perhaps it’s worth putting in writing a request for flexible working ie re taking your Mum to appointments and making up the time etc as although the team can’t afford to be a worker down once a week, flexible working would cause least disruption.

Another thing to consider is for vaccinations- could your Mum request home visits? The district nurse visits my Mum to do hers.

Also, for routine appointments could your Mum use community/ volunteer provided transport - so you only have to negotiate time off for the appointments where you really do need to be there.

Just suggestions.

You are disabled by association. Talk to ACAS, carers are entitled to help.