Introduction and background

New to Carers Connect
1

Hi All,

Glad i came across this through a random work email, just want to say hi to everyone and some background to my care for my gran who had 3 months in hospital and is now home but has diminished mobility and cancer.

Im struggling to juggle work and care for my gran as im an only child and my mum lives abroad working. Im really struggling with trying to juggle work and have given up social life which i dont grudge losing as i feel guilty when my gran is on her own.

I have sorted wet room and stair lift adaptions to her home but her care is only in the morning and despite having some of here mobility back im struggling not being there with work or trying to juggle life with my partner and work commitments.

I cant focus on work from feeling burnt out and unable to concentrate and just puts more pressure on me and struggle to open up to work or ask for help but im worried im going to end up of work ill.

I had prebooked last week as a holiday before gran took not well and similary in February but not having alot of family to juggle visits etc ive spent all my time caring and worrying about her and trying not to think of me but i can feel it getting more and more overwhelming to be there as much as i can and trying to stay on top of things i need to do for her and organise.

Ive struggled with anxiety and depression and only been in my job for a new now in my new role which im on ky own and alot of responsibility training other staff in the new software for large projects i feel this additional pressure of caring is pushing me over the edge despite wanting to be there for gran and feeling terrible even typing this as i just want to be there as much as possible but finding a stable balance.

She has an 18 week chemo course coming up in 2 weeks at our local beatson and im worried about how she will cope with it and how im going to manage work and ideally being able to attend with herand overcoming asking or telling work if i can go and that im struggling.

Sorry for the long post just alot going on and not even scratched the surface of the stress of juggling hopsital visits and arranging the right care for her getting discharged around 3 weeks ago now.

2

Welcome to the forum.
Sadly, your situation is all too common. You CANNOT be forced to be a carer.
We recommend you think about what gran NEEDS, not wants.
I know this is a horrible question, but is the chemotherapy going to cure the cancer? Has anyone had an honest discussion with you about how long she has left?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
These are the basic questions to help work out where to go from here. From what you have written so far, she either needs to go home with a LOT more care, or move into residential care, where she could have a TEAM of people round the clock to care for her.
Too often hospitals still seem to assume a female family member will abandon work and family to care for someone, forgetting that we have a career!
We can hopefully help you resolve a few things.