Hello, I’m not expecting any miracles but wondering how people cope as long term carers. I have been caring for my very elderly father for 9 months and don’t know how much longer I can keep going. He is very appreciative but totally dependent on me for everything apart from his personal care.
I’m happy I can be there for him and have my own home but I live alone. I have an underlying condition which makes me permanently tired and there is no one else who can help or give me a break. I am retired but feel I am constantly physically and mentally exhausted and each day I worry what will happen next as Dad has had several falls, infections etc. He is mentally fine and wants to be at home for as long as possible. He is over 100 and very frail. I’ve lost a stone in weight through all the stress and I try not to see him every day if possible, but I feel I’m running on empty and can’t really plan anything. Apologies, I know many are far worse off, but any advice would be appreciated.
You could ask for your Dad to have an updated Needs Assessment -if you are no longer able/ willing to do all the tasks you are currently doing, then these need to be factored into the Needs assessment and resulting care plan.
Is your Dad claiming Attendance Allowance? This money can be used to pay a cleaner, gardener etc
You could arrange an online food delivery to be delivered whilst the cleaner is there.
@Goldilocks….welcome to the forum. I’m glad you’ve reached out. It is hard caring for someone and is bound to wear you down. Do you have carers coming in who can help you so maybe you can take a day off at least once a week so you have some time to rest yourself?
Parents often fail to remember that their children are now themselves retired. My mum even moaned at me that dad had died at 78, completely ignoring the fact that I was widowed at 54, my husband was 58!
Your dad will expect you to do things until you refuse. It’s up to you to choose what you will do, and what you won’t.
@Goldilocks welcome! I feel your pain and actually what you have written could be me. My mum is a mere 88, but totally dependent on me and oblivious to the fact that my own life has disappeared in enabling her to live the rest of hers at home.
We want to honour and respect their wishes but lose ourselves and our own identity to make it happen. Would your dad be more comfortable in a care home? Would it enable you to regain your own strength and motivation to continue?
Even if you took the decision to send him somewhere for a week of respite so you could recharge your batteries. I did this in October and it did me the world of good, despite all the complaints from mum when I got home! It just isn’t tenable for us to be on call 24/7 as much as we love them!
Please take care of you and get some help if you are able to access it.
