I have today made an application for a needs assessment for my wife. I have been sole carer for 8 years and i have had enough. I have decided to go back to work as i am fed up if being the brunt of all my wifes crap. Our marriage is basically over but i am trapped. Damned if i do and damned if i dont. Is it wrong if me to want some resemblance of a life?
Sorry if i am moaning but i am at the end if my teather. We live in social housing so i cant move out. Her kids dont give a crap as i do everything. I have tried to get them involved and 2 hours once a fortnight is all they can manage.
So i have had it. I am going to think of me now and what i want. Getting a job is the first thing so i also applied for one today too.
Apologies again. Moan over
Just needed a vent xx

Hi Nikki.

Words echoed by many on the forum over the years !

Needs assessment … full sp :

Getting a social care needs assessment - NHS

Be wary … waiting tme … real post code lottery out there.

Word to the wise ?

May be offered all and sundry … at a price ?

Carers assessment ?

Carer's assessment | Carers UK

Again … waiting time ?

Social housing … tenancy in joint names ?

Should anything happen … the kids … any problems with " Succession " if they are aged 18 or over ?

Working … and claiming Carers Allowance ?

Plenty on that aspect if you need it.

You know where we are.

Joint tenancy yes and waiting to move to an appropriate property as wife cant get up and down stairs unaided and they will eventually kill her. We have a downstairs loo so not urgent apparently.
Claiming CA but when i go back to work i will earn over the £123 threashold. So that will have an impact in HB and CTax benefit i assume.
I know its going to take time but its got to the point that i am beyond caring.

Your welcome , Nikki.

On the earnings front , an online benefits calculator for that " What if " scenario you have just outlined.


Be interesting to see … in percentage terms … how much you stand to lose in other benefits for every £ 1 earned.

( Record so far ? One of my immediate neighbours … UC / zero hour contracts … 64p in every £ 1 earned … !!! )

Universal Credit to be added to the equation ?

If not , that’s one bullet dodged even if you step into the path of another !

Crunch some numbers … then get back to us.

Marshalling ?

And I don’t mean at Brands Hatch or Silverstone !

All will be revealed !

Well things are happening. I applied for a job to which the closing date is 24th June so fingers crossed for an interview. Adult social services are going to try to get my wife a carer to come in, in the mornings. They have arranged a falls alarm thats being installed on 25th. One of the daughters is going to pop in at lunch times when i go back to work.
Financially when i go back to work we wont be entitled to any benefits as i will earn over 20k a year. Wife will be entitled to dla and esa still and i will still be registered as carer but not entitled. No dependants as daughter is off to uni in September.
No change in me paying all the bills as have to do that now on ca & income support. Wife pays for food and what she deems her bills?
So watch this space. Losing my shit and being selfish seems to be making the needed changes. If not, then only solution is i leave.

Thanks for keeping us up to date , Nikki.

If you need anything , you know where we are.

If you don’t look after yourself, no one else will.
On an aeroplane, the emergency procedure is to always put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else!!