enough is enough....

this will probably appear to come across as uncaring but i am rapidly losing patience and resentment is setting in.
After years of caring for my wife and eventually being recommended for health care funding you would think things are good.
Far from it !
After several hospital visits this year, she was re admitted again in the early hours yesterday with breathing difficulties.
Following an assessment by the doctor my wife refused treatment and demanded to come home.
So the incessant caring continues even with carers coming in daily for personal care etc.
Hospital stays are almost respite for me, now even those are disappearing…
I dont know what to do next as i am really being tested and i have no support from family or friends.
Can i refuse to carry on caring at home ? is a care home the next step forward ? Demand more help from carers ?
I really dont know anymore as it feels like i am on one never ending treadmill getting nowhere fast.

Apologies for the rant,

You are at what I call the Clapped Out Carer stage. You have done so much for so long that there is nothing left to give. I look at it this way. If you love your wife so much you care for her 48 weeks a year, then she should love you enough to accept residential care for 4 weeks a year.

Hi David
It’s certainly not uncaring!
It’s you dealing with this most difficult time, without support so it’s you that needs to make the decision. Seems you are nearing burn out. A nursing home sadly maybe the only answer, with or without approval from family and friends. You could discuss this with CHC. Explain, even with carers you are at breaking point. I take it your wife has capacity? Your title is :- enough is is enough. Seems it is. You can refuse to care, but I imagine you would feel more comfortable knowing more outside help is in place

There will be a CHC review after 3 months so a care home could be discussed then ? 3 months feels like 3 years at the moment so i am not sure i can wait that long…
A day of respite is priceless and i am not offered that at the moment.
A week of respite would be fabulous and i would taste normal life again after nearly 20 years…

3months is far too long to wait! They definitely need to know the situation you are in asap. Can’t say you didn’t explain to them.
Email would be better so you have a ’ paper’ trail.

Is your GP aware of how you feel?

That is the next job on my list of things to do… speak to GP and see what is suggested


Carer burnout is awful and you are only human. You have to look after yourself so you can look after your nearest and dearest.
Please ring the CHC team and update them that you are struggling and are feeling overwhelmed.
If you have a spare bedroom and the person you are caring for does not want to go into a nursing home then there are alternatives. Increasing respite sits for you/ night sits or the person can be left with a live in carer whilst you have a break away from the home.

Thanks Samantha
That is an avenue i am considering as the entire upstairs floor is not being used now… it is a good plan to think about.
A nursing home is the ideal solution but its not an easy task convincing my wife that is the case :astonished:

Hi David

I have written emails with the same title enough is enough.

As BB mentions clapped out carer stage…I reached that too, and I’m in touching distance of much more freedom

Having more care at home seems like a possible option.

But may not still give you the freedom you want from the mental load.

Hi Cloudygal…

That is a very good point ! the mental load would still be there regardless would’nt it ?