Well done Pet, YOU did hubby and your family proud, too.
Melly1
Xxx
Well done Pet. Glad it went OK.
So pleased that it went well, and thank you for remembering the forum. We will be with you along the next steps too xxx
Glad the service went to plan , pace yourself with the days ahead.
Paid the funeral bill today. Strange very sad feeling. Had a chat to the funeral staff, as she wasn’t too busy today. She was telling me lots of ex clients call in to chat, especially one man, who still cries after 3years. He just can’t see a way forward without her. So so sad.
Bought some more plants for my container’s. But, tiredness has just overwhelmed me again. Grateful for the forum explaining that it could happen. Its not a tiredness that I get when worked hard, a different feeling. Home feels empty too, even though hubby was in the nursing home, hospital for a very long time.
Going to try and relax for a while. Loads to be done, but will have to pace myself.
Hi Pet, that’s enough for today.
I used to say “The world will have to get on without me this afternoon”.
Just getting the plants was enough for today, have a rest, and then maybe pot them up in the evening.
My baskets are all lined up on my patio table with petunias waiting to go in. I like doing this late afternoon, when the paperwork etc. is done.
Pet, you are emotionally tired, and resting, only doing stuff when you feel like and sleeping is what you need. Listen to your body.
Melly1
Have some bittersweet news.
Hubby’s credit card provider have at long last acknowledged that he lost capacity to use the card appropriately, they felt he was muddled and confused when he tried to speak to them in 2015! It’s been another battle I’ve had. Bittersweet because he won’t know, but how good I feel to have made them understand that vulnerable people are just that, and don’t need encouragement to carry on spending etc etc. Have been offered compensation ( an amount I am happy to accept). It’s not really about money, but justice.
Also I hope my complaints are taken on board re asking me to get hubby to sign a consent form when I had court of protection certificate, proving he hadn’t capacity, and worse still asking for a consent letter from him after his death.
Am emotional now and having a rest from paperwork for a while.
A week ago today his funeral was just finished.
Pet, that’s brilliant news. Hopefully your persistence will have taught the bank a valuable lesson.
Please now go away for a few days, somewhere you can recharge your batteries, there are lots of offers on sites like Late Rooms.
Pet
((((hugs)))
I know this is part of a stage of grief. Last night I had a sort of panic wash over me, asking myself " what have I done to hubby".
He had a cremation, and the process of it hit me. It was his wish for cremation, but oh that strange feeling! I’m still ticking off certain things. Still struggling with motivation on everyday things to be done, Essentials are done so that will do for now.
I’ve been indoors for a few days, wasting lots of time. Not all, because finances are clicking into place. Bathroom fitter called in with some samples and we have agreed on date 6th July. My energy is still very low.Grandson has been for tea.
Today, I’m going out. Rain or not! Nothing particularly to go out for, but am making myself. Garden to wet to do very much.Bit disappointed with it this year, but still time to have some success.
The focus of seeing hubby, and then the arrangements for funeral are no longer there.
Keep telling myself he is at peace now after his long struggle,but selfishly I wish he was here with me. Can’t even look at a photo at the moment, without the tears flowing. Didn’t think I had any tears left!
When Mum died it took me quite a while to overcome those unexpected tears - each time I just told myself that she was now in a much better place, but oh did I wish she was still with me. Even now 7 years later I can still get caught unawares.
Pet tears are nature’s way of healing our wounded hearts - the time will come when you will remember with fondness and not sadness but for now just let them flow, don’t hold them back.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Pet, I’m still not good with photos either. Part of me still can’t believe what happened, and never will.
I decided soon after he died that I had to remember that he died far too early, and that I should not waste my own life because he was gone.
He loved life so much that I should try extra hard to build a new life, not waste my life just because I was on my own. Most of the time I do that, but every so often I allow myself a “down day”.
Pet
It’s still very early days and the time when the urgent stuff has been done and the remainder is all stuff one doesn’t want to do and the routine of visits and care is no longer there is a very common time for a dip.
Just go with the flow and find a little something to treat you self to. This stage will pass
Xx
I’ve just drafted my email to the manager of the nursing home, expressing my concerns on the way the nursing staff behaved during hubby’s last month in the hospital. The fact that they wouldn’t give a reason as to why they couldn’t/ wouldn’t nurse him, and wouldn’t even accept the offer of training. Also expressed my disgust at the way one of them bounded into hubby’s room when we were clearing his belongings, eating, grinning and offered so called condolences with a mouth full of food!
I haven’t sent it yet but I won’t rest until I have had my say. It’s not my grief, it’s my sadness that it came to such a thing after he had been in the home for 3 half years, but they just couldn’t be bothered with him or us in the end.
Pet, I’m sure this is the right thing to do - send a copy to CQC as well. It will help close the door on this sad chapter of your life, and help you move on.
Pet, you felt the same disgust in the last month of hubby’s life - so no it’s not the grief making you feel that way, ( though it has probably intensified the feeling.) Definitely send it. Then draw a line under it, as best you can.
Melly1
I sent the email. No reply. The manager is at work, because my friend, who’s dad is in the nursing home has seen her.
So I contacted QCQ, for verification on the difference between care home and nursing home. Replied within 2days. What a difference. I will let them know what happened in more detail, then will put it to bed.
I’m having the brain fog some of you warned me about! Can not find my glasses, looked everywhere! Usually so careful with them. Good job I have spare ones. Not the right prescription but ok. Got myself in a tizzy about them, but now telling myself I can go to optition and have an eye test ealier if needed. Unless I find them in some bizzare place. Thankful I’m aware they am going to get some reaction to losing hubby.
Hi Pet,
Very annoying losing glasses, good job you have spares. They’ll probably turn up when you are looking for something else! The brain fog will lift with time.
Well done for sending the email, having a plan of action and then for deciding to draw a line under it. Once you have reported it, you have done your bit, and it’s up to CQC to take it further.
Melly1