Hubby passed very peacefully at 1pm today. Not even a gasp at the last breath.
Just him and me, which I truly believe he wanted.
He was a brave man, in his life, and remained brave at the end.
Much loved.
I am so very sorry to hear this, Pet. He is at peace now and you were a wonderful wife to him, dedicated to the end. You could have done no more.
Hope your family are a comfort to you. Thinking of you all,
Anne x
So very sorry to hear this Pet, my thoughts are with you and your family at this very sad time.
Your husband’s long journey is now over and yours is just beginning - we will be here for you for as long as you need us.
Weep not for me though I am gone into that gentle night. Grieve if you will, but not for long upon my soul’s sweet flight. I am at peace, my soul is at rest, and there is no need for tears. For with your love I was so blessed for all those many years. There is no pain; I suffer not, the fear now all is gone. Put now these things out of your thoughts, in your memory I live on. Remember not my fight for breath Remember not the strife. Please do not dwell upon my death, but celebrate my life.
Copyright 1992 Constance Jenkins,
(((HUGS))) Pet, be comforted that he is at peace now. You have done everything possible for him, and this will be a comfort to you for the rest of your life.
Now you have to deal with the formalities, for the next couple of weeks just concentrate on what MUST be done on a day by day basis. Think of it as a time of treading water, the end of a chapter of your life.
(((Hugs))) Pet.
As your thread title says, end of his journey but the continuation of yours. We are all still travelling with you as you face the twists, turns and decisions ahead. I feel like we are frineds and wish I could hug you in person, you loving, kind and genuine person you
Xxx
MrsA
(((Pet,)))
And you are one brave lady too.
I’m so sorry to hear hubby has passed; but relieved for him and you that he is now at peace.
I’m glad that you were able to be with him, to see him on his way.
Sending lots of (((hugs))) to you.
Melly1
xxxx
Oh Pet,
I’m so sorry to hear that. So glad you were with him at the end but had managed to get some sleep and rest first.
More virtual hugs from me.
How are you feeling? Remember, do what feels right for you now. Don’t feel you have to conform to other people’s expectations. They don’t know how you feel. Few of them will have loved anyone as much as you two loved each other.
Don’t let the circumstances get you forced into playing the perfect hostess unless you want to. I’ve seen this happen too often under the guise of it’s good for you to keep busy. You decide what’s right for you.
Don’t feel you have to reply to this unless you want to although we’d love to hear from you and support you if you do. Either way try and give us an update sometime though, we’d love to know how you’re feeling and what’s going on in your life in the future.
Don"t forget we’ve got a wealth of experience on the practicalities if you need any advice.
Thinking of you with love. Be kind to yourself. You need it and you deserve it.
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.
When P’s Dad died, 25 years ago, I remember laughing with the funeral directors as we made arrangements helped everyone. Even when his Mum died we laughed about the rather more staid funeral director’s shiny shoes once he was gone.
It must have been difficult choosing to start a new thread and putting it in the bereaved, former carers area but making an important statement too.
I’m so sorry, Pet. You have been so brave to share your journey with us. This bereavement thing is horrible, isn’t it?
Sending (((hugs)))
Pet,
Condolences for your loss, so many of us share your sorrow as you have so generously shared your experiences along the way to help others. I am sure it will not be long before you can feel peace and acceptance. Your husband was a lucky man and is now at peace.
It wasn’t difficult to put ’ End of dementia journey’ because it is, as far as Hubby’s fight, and our family and myself fighting his corner when he couldn’t. The hard bit is ’ start of?’ The focus will be different.
I have some happy news, known since Mothers day, that I am going to be a great grandmother. ( G nanny I think I will be!) We told hubby, not sure if he took it in, but it sparked one sided conversation of how we looked after our first grandchild, for 2 days a week when DD went back to work.He had such happy times with her. One of the comforts I feel, he has gone to a happy place, and moved over to make room for this new life, who is causing great excitement in the family.
My feelings today… Sad, numb, relief, anger at the nursing home. Sad for DDs who have had the task of telling the children. DD 2 has told them they can ask anything they want, doesn’t matter if it causes her tears. I feel proud of her Mothering skills.
Today is a day of contemplation I think.
I am so sorry for your loss xxx
You did so much for your husband and must be exhausted yourself. He is at peace now and I hope you can find some peace soon yourself.
Take good care of yourself, and try to get some rest now xx
Sorry to hear your news Pet, I’m always at a loss to know what to say in these situations but you’re such a large part of this forum I can’t just say nothing.
So, just wishing you everything you’d wish for yourself.
“You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived"
Your husband was a lucky man and you were/are a lucky lady. Sounds like your life is going to have a natural new focus which you are looking forward to.
I’d like to edit Ayjay’s suggestion and say You can shed tears that he is gone AND you can smile because he has lived. I hope Ayjay doesn’t mind.
You should be proud of DD2’s mothering skills but also of your own.
Hi Pet,
Hope your doing OK. Still thinking of you. Still here for you when you need us. Bet the last two days have been hard.
With love,
D
nhshater
I’m doing OK. BB advised I aim for one needed job each day…Good advice, as it helps with the over thinking and panic. Managed yesterday to get 3 things off the tick box.
Phone Court of Protection. Will have a final bill, eben though they haven’t done anything this year!
Phoned the hospital to arrange for medical certificate. Hopefully will be ready for collection tomorrow. Today would be better!
Went to the nursing home with DD1 and SIL. He was off work yesterday, so was easier to empty Hubby’s room with a car available. The nurses now know our utter contempt for them! Will tell you about it another time. I have decided to try and let the anger and bitterness go regarding them, and in time, make the complaint through the correct channels. Anger and bitterness eat away, and consume.
Seems the death certificate is the most important thing needed, in order to get order and closure. Have my moments of course, but yesterday, we went for a cuppa at the farm shop, and were laughing, at the things my SILs mother, and hubby may be saying to each other in that better place they have both gone to! They did get on, but with a slight irritation. Hubby’s passing has stirred sad memories for both SILs.
Hi Pet, on behalf of Carers UK, I want to pass on my condolences. I’m really sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you peace and comfort to you and your family.
Hi, nice to hear from you. Glad you are OK. Glad you managed to have a laugh.
Have you come across the Christina Rossetti poem, Remember, which includes the lines,
“Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.”?
I remember Paul’s Mum’s GP saying it would take 48 hours to write a death certificate. We decided if they couldn’t be bothered to do it straight away then it couldn’t be that important to get the death registered on time so we took ourselves off a couple of hours drive away for a well earned rest dog sitting at my parents house, which we had planned to be doing that week for some time. When my parents got back we sorted out the registration with no problem at all. Of course you can register over the phone these days which would have made it a bit easier.
There’s no need to panic about getting things done now. It’s not going to make any difference to anyone’s quality of life and you know you can manage without DH because, sadly, you’ve had too for some years now.
Sorry to hear of all the other sad memories it’s stirred up but by the sound of it good memories too.
I absolutely agree with you about letting the anger go. It won’t do any good any more. I imagine the nurses put it down to your grief not their behaviour. I’m not sure what you will achieve by complaining in the future apart from stirring up bad memories but that’s for you to decide.
Still thinking of you and wishing you well.
In addition to the condolences on this thread, there are more here for Pet: https://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-area/condolences/for-pet-37076
Hi Pet,
glad you are taking one day at a time and following BB’s advice re one task a day. Good to hear you had a laugh at the café today.
I agree re the useless nurses at the home; put your feelings about them aside for now and at a later date put in the complaint.
Sending (((hugs)))
Melly1