Just to say that I have become a ‘former carer’ officially now.
I haven’t mentioned this as yet, as I was coming to terms with it, plus all the practicalities, (funeral etc), but my poor beleaguered mother in law died last month.
She eased from life very ‘gently’ and I am so glad of that, and there was time for my son and myself to reach her at her care home in the west country, so that was ‘good and right’. There was no time for her son to fly over from the USA, and again, I am glad of that - how dreadful to be crossing the Atlantic wondering whether you will arrive ‘in time’.
The end came faster than I had possibly imagined. I would NEVER have thought she would have deterioriated so quickly, so ‘unexpectedly’, but such it is. Her poor body and mind had taken more than enough, and I think she was just ‘calling it quits’.
As ever, there is the ‘paperwork of death’ as I call the immediate aftermath, and it takes time and focus.
But the funeral has gone ‘beautifully’. Her son came over, and we all met up in Scotland, and my MIL is now laid to rest with her husband, and her inlaws, in the ‘family plot’. She’s had to go thirty years without her husband, and now, finally, they are reunited. A little of her older son’s ashes are with them both too, and of that I am really glad.
As many funerals are, it was a ‘healing time’ for all of us, and good ‘family time’. We spent several days in Scotland, and visited former homes and ‘special places’ and so on, and did a lot of talking, and I’d brought up a suitcase of photos and memorabilia, which we went through, evoking many many memories…
Now we are all back home in our respective lives, and things seem ‘strange’ - yet, at the same time, the one ‘blessing’ of dementia is that the ‘real person’ who my MIL was has not been here for quite some time, so the ‘loss’ in a way has already mostly happened.
I know I shall find it ‘strange’ when I am next in the west country (my brother lives there, and I’ve been visiting often because of MIL), to ‘remember’ that she is no longer in her care home.
I’m sure, in my heart, she was glad to leave (however good the care and it WAS good, and I am VERY thankful for it, to all the staff). When she was mobile she was always trying to ‘escape’…and now she has.
She’s ‘back home’ with her husband, her older son, her parents, and her in-laws. And I hope she’s having a wonderful, WONDERFUL time! All her ordeal is over.
I also wanted to thank all of your here for ‘standing by me’ all these years since I first arrived on the forum, almost ‘insane with stress’ (I was caring for her myself at that time, and almost collapsing with it), and to say a HUGE HUGE HUGE ‘thank you’ for all the sympathy and support I’ve received here.
THANK YOU ALL!!!
Kindest wishes, Jenny x