I am still strugglying after my friends death, i talked to a crisis line and they suggested bereavement support, i did try and access support last year but it has to go through the GP.
I did ask my GP but there was no referral or anything, i don’t think the GP fully understood the procedure , you have to refer a patient to bereavement services.
This all seems so unnecessary, why can’t anyone who is bereaved access the service automatically.
Why isn’t it arranged by Social services, aftercare for the unpaid carer when their caree dies.
Its just so difficult trying to access help, it shouldn’t be like this.
And uses up a GP appointment, why do you need to see a GP?
GPs seem to be the gateway to so many services, no wonder it’s impossible to get a timely appointment.
Sorry you are still having difficulty getting support. If you have info on how bereavement support is accessed, you could print it off and give it to the GP along with your request for a referral.
Hello Londonbound, I am very sorry for your loss. There is never a good time to lose a loved one and there are many people out there who are not getting the support they need at this difficult time.
I also lost a loved one and I had been going to a local ‘Bereavement group’ each week which really helped, but like everything else it suddenly stopped in March of this year. I found out about it in a leaflet from my GP’s surgery. So it is worth looking in your local library, community centre and GP’s for any info that might help. I did not have to have a referral.
There is also an online Bereavement group called The Sue Ryder Online Bereavement Community.
Hope this helps.
Take care,
Karen D
Mu husband died last week of January, shortly before lockdown, and I have not found any access to bereavement support.
The local carers group which I had attended for many years closed down immediately lockdown was announced. I don’t know if members who are still carers have any ongoing contact, eg on line, but certainly nothing offered to bereaved carer.
I helped set up a support group for carers of people with Alzheimers/Dementia two years ago but they have no interest in providing bereavement support.
GP doesn’t have any information about bereavement support and of course nowadays there are no leaflets available. Library is closed which is a pity as they usually have lots of useful info.
Hello Violet, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.
There is a ‘Bereavement Advice Centre’ in the UK you can call on 08006349494. They should be able to help you.
There is also ‘Cruse Bereavement Care’ on 0808 808 1677.
There is a local bereavement telephone service where I live (near east London/Essex ) called Orange Line. They are open M-F. The number is 01708 758649.
I found my lovely husband dead in bed when he was only 58.
Obviously it was a horrendous shock. We had married when I was 19, when we bought our first house together. We’d had adventures in Australia, worked together running our own business, we played together with out old steam engines and lorries. I had lost not just my husband but my employer too. One of my husband’s closest friends who was widowed in his thirties gave me a lecture after the funeral, that I MUST make a new life for myself. I wanted to do “the right thing” but what the heck was that?
Most helpful was a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff, designed primarily for those who have divorced, but really what I needed too. Looking at how to work out what I wanted to do in the future. It was a good “bedside” book, you could dip in and out of it, a few paragraphs, or more, and a few exercises. It certainly helped me.
Thanks bowlingbun I’ll look out for that book although “starting again” is a very difficult concept in later life - I am 80. I must find my own personal new normal - don’t know what that is. I live in a small town in north Scotland and have no relatives living here. Young people often leave here to live and work in city - work prospects are limited. However, everyone I know in my age group has some family members who are teachers, nurses, care workers living locally so they have their own “bubbles”.
Thanks Karen Dee - I will contact Sue Ryder Bereavement Community and others you mention although the Orange Line might be surprised to have someone from the frozen North Scotland calling.
Londonbound thank you for starting this thread - I did not mean to “butt in” about me, but share the difficulty and sadness we feel in losing loved ones recently. x
Violet, you may have another 20 to 25 years yet, don’t write yourself off.
Inner peace took me a long time to find. I longed for the day when I could sit quietly in my lounge again, rather than constantly fiddling with stuff, buying stuff I didn’t need, etc.etc.
3 months after my husband died I was nearly killed in a car accident and left disabled for years, unable to sleep properly and hobbling around with a walking stick, too young for knee replacements. Happily I am now fine, but it meant that many of my plans never came to fruition, so I was mourning my previous ability to walk miles too.
Violet
I lost my husband in May 2019. I’m getting there. Have my moments of course, am sure it wouldn’t be natural if I didn’t. Have been plodding away at home maintenance, learning things that hubby used to do, like the garden. I’m also now able to remember happy times which I thought would never happen. Able to count my blessings now.
Keep posting, I m sure it will help, writing your thoughts down.
I am still strugglying after my friends death, i talked to a crisis line and they suggested bereavement support, i did try and access support last year but it has to go through the GP.
I did ask my GP but there was no referral or anything, i don’t think the GP fully understood the procedure , you have to refer a patient to bereavement services.
This all seems so unnecessary, why can’t anyone who is bereaved access the service automatically.
Why isn’t it arranged by Social services, aftercare for the unpaid carer when their caree dies.
Its just so difficult trying to access help, it shouldn’t be like this.
And uses up a GP appointment, why do you need to see a GP?
Sorry to hear that
the easiest method to get in touch with GP is to meet him in person an build some kind of relationship between you and him
sounds silly but believe me, this is really handy
Andrew, in the middle of a pandemic that’s easier said than done. They do anything to avoid patients going to the surgery. I needed to go to the surgery earlier in the summer. Notice said to buzz the intercom and WAIT. My buzz wasn’t answered! After 8 minutes the pharmacy driver turned up. Finally the buzz was answered!
“build up a relationship with my gp” I don’t have as such have a GP , its a big practise, 20 plus doctors, but you never get to see the GP you want its just chance, so i can’t build up a relationship with the GP.
At the moment they are employing locums so you have to explain to someone you have never met and doesn’t have a clue about your medical conditions and unpaid caring.
You phone to speak to the locum, follow up appointment and the locum has left, replaced with some other locum.
The Gp has clearly little understanding of unpaid carers, the burden of care, and the stress of your caree becoming ill and dying.
There were many arguments that i should contact Social Services, durr yes I have done, Social Services are cutting services not providing more services leaving carees high and dry with little support.
The GP Surgery should be unpaid carer friendly, providing priority and suitable appointments for unpaid carers. making sure unpaid carers are supported, my GP simply doesn’t do that, nought to do with them.
