I emailed Cruse Bereavement six days ago but haven’t heard back. Is that normal or should I try again. I’m not quite ready to talk to someone on the phone yet.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief/supporting-yourself
Sorry to read you are in a state of bereavement. Please feel is OK to talk here. There are many who could perhaps offer understanding.
I would certainly send another email.
There appears to be a lot of info re: phone calls but not emails.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/helpline/cruse-helpline-faqs#struggling
Hi Brian,
I don’t remember waiting that long for an initial reply when I used their email service several years ago, so I checked online and read,
Email service > We are currently experiencing very high demand and our email services are suspended until we can catch up with the backlog. We are very sorry for any inconvenience this causes. Our telephone helpline services are still available during this time.
I agree with Sunnydisposition, if you want to post about it on here, we will do our best to support. We have several bereaved members currently and there are quite a few ex-carers too who have lost their carees in the past.
Melly1
PS I will contact Lizzie Carers UK and see if they know of any other online/email bereavement services.
Would have been nice for Cruise to have set up an autoreply to say the email service was closed, rather than leaving prospective clients in limbo when they’re seeking help.
Yes, there are some of us here in various stages of bereavement.
Some very recently, others a year or more, so plenty of help here if needed.
I think this link might have been posted on the forum before and I thought it might be useful to mention it again. A clip from a BBC programme. addressing the subject of grief is still available here
Why grief is not something you have to 'get over' - BBC News.
Brian, I am sorry for your loss. I am not posting this as a direct answer to you, because it isn’t, but in case it is helpful to anyone reading this thread.
I am one of the bereaved here; after Christmas I will have been widowed for two years and if I can help by joining in a discussion I will.
Hello Brian
I lost my husband in May. Sometimes I write my thoughts on my thread, end of dementia journey start of??
Don’t know if it will help you, but like others Im here to listen to you, if you feel up to sharing…
Mum died in May 2017. Still suffering…
Thanks Melly1. I suppose that explains it.
Thanks to everyone else who replied as well. So many of us suffering. I’m having a really bad time. I talk to my mum a lot throughout the day. it feels like she’s listening. Waves of grief and sudden grief attacks happen all the time. It will be four weeks on Thursday and I don’t think I’ve made any progress. I closed her bank/savings accounts today, I suppose I left it a bit late. I started sobbing when I saw her name handwritten on the savings book. The woman was nice and made me a cup of tea. Almost anything can set me off.
Are you seeing a therapist?
Honestly it is a good idea since grief is a funny emotion. There is no one size fits all or a simple fix. Allow yourself to feel then release. And remember talking helps you cope better with it all. There are five stages of this unpredictable emotion.
Read this article on grief Coping with Grief and Loss - HelpGuide.org.
Join a support group. It is a great way to meet new people who also have experienced grief. Trust me it makes a difference. Ask on Facebook or ask around for suggestions.
Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. Be it fishing, crocheting etc. Take care of yourself. Write a burn letter to your deceased loved one. Embrace your emotions.
Brian
My husband died in May. I can be set off by anything at times. Its good to cry. I know people advise to start a hobby etc, but just to let you know I couldn’t get my head round such things for a long time. Hubby was in a nursing home. Its taken me 5years to take interest in reading again! Have been refurbishing my house. Dont despair things will happen in time that you will feel better about. Im not saying you shouldn’t go for something you feel you can do just not to feel bad if you don’t feel up to it yet. Do hope you can be in contact with Cruse soon.
Brian,
I think Pet wanted to post you a link to her thread, so here it is https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support-and-advice/former-carers/end-of-dementia-journey-start-of-37068?start=100
Melly1
I can’t even watch the TV shows I watched with my mum because it brings back too many memories. I only watch the news on TV or an occasional film. Even that’s an effort and not particularly enjoyable, I only do it because it’s preferable to the silence of an empty house. I used to spend hours and hours on the Internet sifting through the latest research on Pubmed for ways to help my mum’s health. Not doing that has left another hole in my life. But I recently found out that one of my brother’s friends has Parkinson’s. So I spent an hour researching that. It gave me something to do I suppose, rather than the usual emptiness of my existence now.
Thanks, I’ll have a look. I wonder if what I’m going through has a kind of PTSD component, as well as bereavement. I had very little sleep for six months and very high levels of stress, which affected my health and made me depressed already, without the grief on top. It’s all made me a bit of a physical and mental wreck. However, I don’t regret a second of looking after my mum and trying to help her. I would do it all over again. I just miss her so much.
Brian it is actually a short time since your Mum died. It might feel like for ever to you, of course, but I mean not many weeks and you have already recognised the stress and lack of sleep that are still having an impact and the loss of the research focus. When a carer loses someone they do indeed lose that entire role as well as the person they are mourning.
I can say that it took me months before I could read a book or watch television. I had to start all over again pushing myself to cook for one and go out for a walk every day. Have you had any contact with your GP? (I’m sorry if you have tried but yours is not helpful.)
Thanks for the reply. I need to register with another doctor because I don’t like the way our GP ‘treated’ my mum. He never came out even though she was almost house bound. All he would do is get a mobile blood tester and then phone me to talk about the results and dosage. She really needed someone to physically check her over and talk to her, but he NEVER came out. I’ll register with another one, but that could take a week to go through.
Cruse got back to me today, but they don’t have any groups in my area. They gave me a link to a private one that charges £50 an hour, but i just can’t afford that, if I want to eat as well that is.
Oh dear, thats not helpful at all. Am most surprised.
Is there a church or similar near you that has coffee mornings. You don’t have to be religious. I’ve seen a couple near me, that say all are welcome. My friend is treasurer of one ( other side of town to me) and she explained that a new person is always welcomed. Most start because of some loneliness due to one thing or another. Just a thought.
How about the local Salvation Army.
Thanks, I will think about it, although I’m not really into organised religion. I do believe in an afterlife though.