Newbie caring for someone with terminal illness

Hi all, I have been looking after my 71 year old mum for the past 2 years and we finally got a diagnosis last week for mesothelioma and its terminal. At the rate she is declining she will be lucky to reach 3 months :broken_heart:. Currently struggling emotionally and feeling very angry with the world. Scared of what’s to come. Would be good to connect with others going through or have gone through a similar situation. Caroline

Welcome to the forum.
Has your GP arranged Fast Track NHS Continuing Healthcare for her?
This will either fund nursing home care, or care at home. Google this for more details.
Google “Signs of Dying”, I know it’s hard, but the information you will find is invaluable.
Have you considered funeral arrangements?
Investigate asap, especially charges, then when the time comes, it will be so much easier.
Think about who needs to know what is happening, and mum’s favourite music for the service.
The funeral costs can be paid by mum’s bank from her account before probate is granted, by the way.
If there’s anything else you need to know, just ask. I’ve lost nearly everyone now!

Thank you for replying.
Her GP is useless but she now has an allocated caseworker at the hospital who has referred her to the Macmillan Nurses and possible hospice care. OT been out today and agreed to supply a bed, commode etc downstairs as up to now we have been struggling on our own with stairs.
My mum has a funeral plan so no financial pressure on us and I know the songs etc she wants as we discussed them after my dad suddenly passed away a couple of years ago.
I am dreading watching her suffer and deteriorate as the cancer kills her plus how I will cope with the big void in my life as she is not just my mum but also my best friend. Covid restrictions haven’t helped as the usual networks of friends and family support have had to be limited.

If the GP is useless contact the Practice Manager tomorrow. The care mum needs should be arranged FREE within 48 hours. Read up about Fast Track CHC and if the Practice Manager pleads ignorance, tell him to read about it.

Thank you. I will contact them tomorrow.

Hi Caroline

Welcome to our forum, I’m not sure if you are aware but we are currently running a series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:

We are also now running a weekly Share and Learn sessions, where we run a series of fun and relaxed online sessions where visiting speakers who share tips and skills on a range of topics - please have a look at the link and see if one grabs your attention.

Do join if you’d like to, we’ve had a lot of new carers join the sessions recently and it’s a great way to meet other carers.
with best wishes

Hi Caroline,

Losing a parent is a really tough time. I recently lost both my parents and I cared for both fo them. I learnt after losing my dad first that invovling, recruiting and getting help from family and friends wherever possible (and circumstances permitting) helps with the grieving process as they can support you through it.

Have you managed to get the care package put in place by the practice manager?