Dreaming about my caree who passed away

All about caring Former carers
1

I have had a few dreams about my caree who passed away almost a year ago now.

Very vivid dreams, going shopping, I used to take him shopping every week until he became too ill to leave the house.

He was supposed to be moving into a new care place-supported housing, I can see him in his new place. I take him home to his new place and help with putting away the shopping.
But he never got there, he died in hospital.

I then had another dream where we went to his old place, he was in care almost 40 years ago, but he took me there in my dream.
The place has been knocked down years ago built a load of houses there, so I never saw the care home he was in, I would have been a child when he was there.

But I saw the place in my dream, the taxi took us there and dropped off us off in the car park, his room was room 19, I remember that.
But I saw the building, I saw the car park, I saw his room and his possesions and the gardens.

Why am I suddenly dreaming about my caree, what is going on, very scared basically like hes come back.

I clearly need councelling for this to come to terms with his death, but none was ever supplied, I think I am on a waiting list for help but need help now.

I am not sleeping properly, waking up from these dreams, I am tired constantly thinking.

There are just constant reminders of him all around.

2

Hello London bound
I dream very frequently about my late husband. He died in May. 4 days after his 70th birthday.
Some dreams are good, some are disturbing. More like flash backs. I think it’s part of the greiving process.

3

I occasionally dream about my caree too.

One night several months previously when he was approximately 18 months old, I dreamed that he could walk independently up and down several sets of stairs. In my dream, he no longer required a wheelchair. It can be crushing, can’t it? It is also part of the whole acceptance process I find.

At least this is how I now choose to see it. You are far from alone here. I know that it is not the same but I wanted to share my own perspective on disability and dreams too. Are you seeing a counseller or not? It can help.

4

Londonbound,
It sounds like your subconscious is sorting out your thoughts, memories and feelings about your caree whilst you sleep.
After losing my Dad, I often dreamed about him too.

I’m sorry you are still waiting for counselling. Do you have anyone to talk to or reminisce with, in the meantime? If not, writing it all down may help or ringing the Samaritans or similar and talking to them. And of course keep posting on here about him, if that helps.

Melly1

5

Sorry to keep banging on, but I received no help caring when my caree was alive and all contact seized when he passed away, never saw anyone involved again.

That is clearly unfair but it seems that’s the way they do it.

They say that when you go from this earth all your issues are resolved, you go to how you should have been, I am not religious but that’s what I have heard.

And yes probably it is my subconscious sorting things out, It seems so real then you wake up and realise what has happened.

I have no one to talk to, there seems to be groups for almost everything, but a bereaved group that would be useful, does such a thing exist?

I am supposed to be on a waiting list but have had no email telephone call, just no idea how the system works.

I talk to my cats quite a lot, they seem to understand in their own way.

Its just really bad, when your caring role ends you should be able to access support according to the carers strategy but in reality you are just left stranded.

6

In my area there is a grief support service at a local church. It might be a idea to find out if there is a similar scheme in your area.