End of care

My husband has just gone into a nursing home after caring for him for many years. I am finding it so difficult being without him, although I can have a short visit twice a week. I wondered how other people have dealt with this

Hello Linda
My late husband was in a nursing home. For the 1st few months I was in a state of shock and grief. I did eventually realise that my health was improving, because was able to rest, knowing he was safe. Met a friend for coffee once a month. The 1st time I felt terrible guilt. Then realised it’s what he would have wanted. Took my phone with me. Then I did a day trip with her. My daughter was visiting him that day.I understood then, that I had to look after myself, in order to be in a fitter frame of mind to care manage his needs at the home.
I loved my husband very much, he was my rock. However, him not living with me, prepared me more for when he was no longer with me. This sounds very harsh, as I lost my focus when he passed for a while.
Don’t mean this to be about me. It’s how it was (is).
Am sad to read your post,as it’s a very difficult time for you

Hi LInda,
It will take a long time to adjust, so be kind to yourself.
I know that this must have become the only option left, what he needed, not what either of you wanted.
It’s a roller coaster of emotions, and if you feel tired, sleep.
If you are finding it too difficult to relax, your GP can give you something to help you. After my husband died, I didn’t sleep for two months, doing things like ironing and accounts at 3am! I was against taking tablets, but finally realised that my body was desperate for sleep, my body needed tablets, even if I didn’t want them!
Has the funding for the home been sorted out? I managed to get £8,000 refunded to my mum after the rules hadn’t been applied properly, so if you are not sure, please ask.
Next year, if you can afford it, plan a holiday. I now stay in a lovely hotel in Crete for single travellers only (some wives go without their husbands who don’t like sunshine!). It’s definitely not a dating hotel, just somewhere that you can do as much or as little as you want. Send me a PM if you would like the details.