Loosing ability to walk and very poor judgement

A quick question. Very slowly my mother is loosing her ability to walk. She’s 74. All she’s wants to do really is lie down and it’s been like this for a decade. She’s even lost muscle in her waist which makes sitting up difficult for her sometimes. She’s had numerous falls.
I can envisage that perhaps a year down the line at time where she just can’t stand. Can an elderly person be cared for at home with no mobility? Let’s say for several years or would the demands just be too much for one person? I ask because if my mother goes into care I’m likely to be homeless. I’m in my early 50s. I’ve been her carer for 22 years.

Maybe she might like to join a falls prevention class? What does the specialist say? It is time to either look at care homes or arrange for a needs assessment so you can start paying for carers to help her stand up properly. You might find this guide produced by the NHS on needs assessments and care services helpful to read.

Examples of things carers can assist with:

Taking/collecting medication
Accessing the community
Finding employment
Learning new skills
Using the toilet
Picking up things

I hope I have given you some ideas

What to expect from a care agency courtesy of the CQC- https://www.cqc.org.uk/help-advice/what-expect-good-care-services/what-can-you-expect-good-home-care-agency.

Daffy - your post does sound worrying.
I can answer your question concerning the amount of care needed if your mum becomes bedridden. Sorry if this upsets you - there is no way that one person could look after someone who is bed ridden. If this were to happen then your mum would need round the clock care. There would need to be a minimum of 3 carers to provide 24 hour care for mum. If this were to happen your mum would need personal care
Has mum beeen depressed in the past? It sounds like your mum has been lacking in energy for a very long time - why is this? Has she had lots of tests to find out the underlying problem? Does she eat a healthy diet? Has mum seen a physiopherapist?


Has the doctor referred mum to a specialist, for a diagnosis or scan?

Make a list of symptoms that concern you. Jot down questions to ask too on a piece of paper. Take a list of medications with you to the appointment. Has she been referred to a doctor or not? Push for a referral pronto as well.

Thank you for all your replies.
Mum has not been right for a long time. She has mental health problems, which means she is on strong sedative medication. She also on an anti-depressant, but they can’t elevate her mood too much as she gets extreme mood changes.
I’m grateful for links and also the honest answer re how many carers it would take to look after mum if she became completely immobile. She has seen a physiotherapist in the past, but her even though she tries to make an effort to move around the house it just is not enough. She’s lost substantial muscle around her waist and legs, as she has just prefers to slump in her chair or lie down.
Mum had a fall yesterday. She assured me she was fine but, as today has progressed I realized that she just was not right. She seemed rather vacant. Zero concentration. Cold hands, chesty, heavy breathing. I ended up taking her blood pressure, which I never normally do. It was 66/44, pulse 109 when sitting.
Her low blood pressure made me quickly seek GP advice and an ambulance was called. The hospital are running tests.
(She did have some hospital tests earlier in the year regarding mini stroke and a fall, nothing remarkable came up.)

There has been quite a decline this year. She is due to see a geriatric specialist. A letter came through the post with no warning from any GP. I suspect they’ll reduce her mediation if they can, but I think age and her lack of activity is catching up with her.
She’s not an easy person to care for, as she just does not cooperate. For example, whilst waiting for the ambulance, instead of sitting comfortably, she decided to get up to put on her shoes for when they arrived. As a result, because she can’t hardly walk she ended on the floor again! She can’t get up once down.
We had a similar event earlier in the year and nothing really changed as a result. I’ll have to push for falls prevention help, as she just hasn’t got clue. I suspect there are memory problems creeping in too.
Thank you for listening. I realize this has all rather evolved from my first question this morning.

Don’t apologise for coming back to us, that’s what we are here for.
Reading your last post it appears that you are picking mum up after she falls.
Please don’t do this, that is what ambulance staff are trained to do, don’t end up an invalid with a bad back.
If you call the ambulance, it is logged, and I believe they contact the GP. In this way, it may get investigations done quicker.

Does she have a wheelchair or not?

The problem is when she’s down on the floor she gets abusive. Say things like “you don’t love you want to get rid of me”, if I can’t get her up. I’ve explained to her that she’s nearly my body weight… It can be so bad I’ve gone into another room for a couple of minutes just to give myself a break. I will in future call and ambulance.
She’s got pneumonia and the hospital will apparently give her physical rehab, as some point. I feel like things will improve once she has cleared the pneumonia.
I’ve got one concern. She picked up my cold and I’ve got a chest infection too. I just hoping, as an asthmatic that mine does not get serious as well.

A question. Am I right in thinking that I can continue to claim carers allowance for up to 12 weeks whilst my mother is in hospital?


If you go into hospital, your carer’s allowance will stop after 12 weeks.

If the person you are caring for goes into hospital, your carer’s allowance will stop when their attendance allowance, disability living allowance care component or personal independence payment daily living component stops.

You MUST make sure that the hospital don’t suddenly send mum home again, without going through the proper discharge process. (Chris will do a link for you - thanks Chris!)
From what you have written, I think the time has come for mum to move into residential care, because your own health is being put at risk by caring for mum.

Daffy, you CAN continue to claim your Carers allowance for 12 weeks if your mum is in hospital for that time.
Lets hope that now your mum’s in hospital they find out what’s wrong with her.

I hate to question this but I came across something last night which said 28 days. Perhaps I got it wrong being tired.


You MUST make sure that the hospital don’t suddenly send mum home again, without going through the proper discharge process. (Chris will do a link for you - thanks Chris!)

Hospital discharge ?

Being discharged from hospital - NHS

In short , by the book or … NO DISCHARGE.

Treat the above as a tick list … all areas ticked ???

Thank you Chris for the link. And thank you everybody for your support and help. It all comes as a bit of a shock, after caring for 23 years.

It seems to suggest four weeks, which considering the strain some carers would be under, seem very short.

“Your CA entitlement depends on the person you care for receiving a
qualifying benefit (see section 3.1). If they go into hospital and the stay is
arranged by the NHS, payment of their qualifying benefit stops after four
weeks (12 weeks in the case of a disabled child under 16).”

4 weeks ?

ONLY if the caree’s qualifying benefit is either suspended … or expired.

Caring for a parent often starts with a bit of shopping, and then… It crept up on me really gradually.

Looking back I think I probably became a carer when I was about 8 years old, and mum had my younger brother. She had arthritis, and I suspect post natal depression too, nothing was ever quite the same after he was born.

23 years is a long time to care for anyone, given your mum’s current health problems, this is the time to focus on what she NEEDS not what she wants. After all, we all want to have our strength, youth and fitness back again, but that’s not possible for any of us. Keep using the word NEED with mum, it might help to write a list of those needs.
Feel proud for what you have done for her, not guilty about what you cannot. It’s time she had a team of people to care for her needs.