Hello have updates good and bad. Firstly it’s been a while and i hope everyone on here is good and doing well ?
i’ve finally got a job i’m liking it so far it’s been three weeks. It took nearly 2 years finding a job. I’m a passenger assistant i help people travel to day centre and back home morning and afternoon. I’m happy about that and finally out the house and sort out my money issues and debt. thank you everyone for the advice on my last post.
Ok today was bad, me and my brother had a argument over something pathetic him leaving washing in the washing machine over night which he always does. i was annoyed he said something which made me raise my voice a little bit i was not shouting at all.
he loses it saying don’t shout at me and starts shouting. My brother always has a knife in his room(long story) he proceeds to pick the knife point it at me for a few seconds and wave it around and then throw it at the wall.
I was not surprised at all but very disappointed. i wasn’t scared at all but it dawned on me that I cannot live in the house with my brother anymore. he’s making excuses saying i’m being dramatic, stupid, dumb i’m over reacting. it’s my fault i made him mad i shouted at him. he was feeling anxious so he picked it up. saying i’ve done worse to him.( i never have)
My mums reactions as per usual were disappointing not surprising she molly cuddled him. asked me to give her money to get him some smokes. unbelievable but not shocking i will get the same response from my god forsaken family.
I spoke to my friend and she said i should report it. i want to but it’s not that simple. Firstly we’re black and reporting anything to the police especially your own family can make people completely cut you out. i suspect my mother wouldn’t want to live with me and would have to leave anyway.police and black community doesn’t mix and i have previous experiences of that. Unfortuately i feel going to the police will do more harm, either way they will not care towards me or use excessive force on my brother, I will get blamed, shamed and shunned. I’m also wondering if i am overreacting and it is my fault ?
So how can i leave but still be a carer. i know the housing crisis is really bad.I’m looking at charities right now and i will call the citizens advice bureau tomorrow. I don’t have many options, money family etc. So my options as per usual are bleak. I’m worried DWP will give me problems because i’m working part time so me potentially leaving might make it worse.
Any advice will be great thank you for taking the time and the opportunity to read this.
I am sorry that you have little faith in the police. TBH my experience of using them back in 2013 was not that positive with regard to domestic violence.
Have you considered phoning ‘Women’s Aid’. Trying to find helpline number and will do another post. You may find it a good idea to talk through your brother’s behaviour with someone there? I am sure there are options but it is not always easy to find them. No one should have to live in fear in their own home.
0845 345 4345. Women’s Aid helpline. You can also access their website. There is an email too. If they cannot help, they may be able to suggest a local organisation that can.
Thank you for taking the time to respond it’s much appreciated. i’m sorry for your own personal experience of Domestic violence i hope you are doing ok ?
I have never heard of women’s aid i’m going to look into them and phone the helpline. This is very helpful thank you. I appreciate your advice and take it on board.
There is an amazing amount of collective experience on our forum. A few years ago, when my brother was dying in Uruguay and I rang him, the call was very expensive indeed. I asked the forum about Skype and within 10 minutes I knew exactly how to use it! Feel free to join in with Roll Call, none of us have ever met in “real life” but we share all sorts of things there, sensible and silly. We even have an unofficial “Night Owl’s Club” for those of us who struggle to sleep well.
Thank you so much you always look out for me and others on here. i hope one day i can repay it back. i will join in and my condolences to you regarding your brother. i hope you are well ? thank you as always.
You don’t need to go to the Police. You can call the Domestic Abuse helpline or Women’s Aid. They won’t come barging into your house or anything, so don’t worry about that. They will just speak to you, give you advice and support and keep in touch.
They may tell you about shelters or women’s refuges but I don’t know how that would work with your working. Normally, if you go into any form of supported accommodation and work, they will charge you a fortune for your rent and service charges. They will ask how many hours you work and how much you earn.
Shelter won’t really be able to do anything for you. You need to contact your local authority’s housing section. Someone will call you back and give you advice. You are correct about the housing crisis. If you wanted to apply for a local authority property, you will be waiting between 5 and 15 years depending on where you live. They will try and push you down the private renting route.
Thank you so much this was extremely helpful. Yes you are right about the housing situation which is why i’ve stayed put and not done anything. I did speak to refuge and they were very helpful and gave me alot of advice and tips some of which you have kindly mentioned. I’m going to contact three services next week some open on certain days. I’m going to contact my council and ask what help regarding domestic violence (i’m sure it’s not alot) Thank you for your kindness and the luck. Thank you
i have no entitlement to housing benefit i remember having to fight to get mum on it and she was way more entitled . I would never be able to afford renting privately. I wish both these options are available but as a carer you don’t have many options especially regarding benefits and housing. As always thank you bowlingbun.
If you are on UC, you would get the full LHA (local housing allowance). The figure is different for different authorities. If you are under 35, the amount is miserly and will only be enough for a room in shared accommodation. If you are over 35, you get slightly more, if you have kids, you get even more etc.
The amount of the LHA reduces if you work, the more you earn, the less you’ll get.
I’m not suggesting you do this but if you wanted to go into a refuge, you could always stop working so you wouldn’t have to pay any rent at the refuge. However, if you are out of a job, it’s hard to get another job going forward.
The thing with a refuge is, it will be completely out of the area, so I don’t know who you care but unsure how that would work out.