Do I have a legal/social responsible to care for partner?

My partner is blind and I work as a self employed contractor. There seems to be an underlying assumption that I am her carer. I work 70 hours a week and care informally (shopping, cleaning etc) but we are in hospital at the moment and there is the assumption I will do a caring role (portering/cleaning/navigating/orientating and caring) but to be blunt I have reports and deadlines to meet.

We aren’t married. So I got to thinking, is this a social service/health responsibility or my responsibility? I am a high earner so wouldn’t meet any kind of means test criteria.

Any help would be great as this is causing me so much stress. I had gout the other night whilst staying over and had to keep getting out of bed to help her find toilet roll etc. I am also disabled and have mental health condition (complex PTSD).

Hi John.

Straight answer ?


So … simply stop caring ?

Welcome to CarerLand wherein such questions do NOT have such simple answers !

A moral responsibility ?

What happens if I stop caring ?

Valid questions … no one size fits all answer.

8.8 MILLION family / kinship carers out there ( Latest fiqure quoted in a House of Lords debate on Monday ).

Ask yourself just one question.

Why 8.8 million ?

And , on the terms and conditions so aptly outlined by our Lord Kitch ???

Because if you don’t care for the caree , who else will ???

Need help ?

Needs / carer assessments for starters … I’ll supply links if these are total unknowns to you.

Well some people have to work or the country won’t have an economy. I don’t want to give up work and become a carer.

Of course I care but there comes a point where I have to put myself first. 3 years ago I tried to commit suicide as I couldn’t cope looking after her whilst working and couldn’t see anyway out.


8.8 million of us save this country … or I should say taxpayers … £ 140 BILLION through what we do … caring.

Nothing any worker enjoys under Employment Law applies to us.

A double sided coin ?


I’m with you entirely on this one, you do NOT, NOT, NOT, have to give up work to care!
Given your own health issues, it would be utter folly to become her long term carer.

I’m sure between us the forum members collectively can help, but a bit more information will help us give best advice. There is a purpose behind each question.

Can I ask if you live together, or do you have separate homes?
Who owns where your partner lives?

How old is she?
Why is she in hospital?
What support will she need if discharged?
When are the hospital planning to discharge her?
Have they written a care plan for her?

I’m wondering if she is telling the hospital that YOU WILL care for her?!
This often happens, when someone just can’t admit to themselves how much help they need.


I think you have to make it very clear to your lady friend and to the hospital what your stand is in all of this. I think assumptions are being made as to your relationship and status.

Assumptions shouldn’t be made by hospital staff.

But you need to discuss with your lady that you can’t do the caring role on a full time basis. So other services can be set in place for supporting your lady friend.

Should you be asked ‘why you can’t care for her’ then you need to explain you can’t cope with it all on your own and that you have your own health to look after.