Hi guys, was just wondering what everyone’s views are on dating as a carer? Is it even viable, how do you find the time. would you consider dating sites?
I guess that would totally depend on the amount of caring someone is doing unless they met someone who was very willing to be part of the carees life as well.
If I didn’t have my hubby around and I was single for me it would be out of the question.
Don’t have any time for my hubby as it is…so there would not be any hope for anyone else.
Would I consider a dating site. Absolutely…don’t think hubby would be best pleased though!
Cloudygal I know what you mean about not having time for your husband as I never did mine hence me being single. He wasn’t very understanding of why I was always tired or why I couldn’t free up more time for him or to go out! I feel like I would only get a connection where I didn’t have to constantly explain myself with another carer in the same situation if that makes sense
Hello, new member Louisa, time management I guess. I met someone recently we went out for afternoon, he said after an hour or so, I hope your mother is alright on her own. I was taken aback by this, then I worried, I hoped she was alright on her own, she was alright. I enjoyed my date and time out though…
Edited to remove members full name.
Hi guys, just found this site/forum while looking online for help on this exact subject. I’m 42, I had several back operation when I was 21 which left me bed bound for 8 years and on morphine pain medication for the rest of my life. A year later my mum had a stroke, I was looking after her. My father got cancer and has had several operations and is holding his own. Then just as the lockdown started she had another stroke and a brain bleed. She came home a few weeks ago and it’s so hard looking after her and my father, they are bother adamant they don’t want any outside care they just want me to look after them. I’m happy to do it, family always comes first for me. But the hard part is being single and feeling alone. 42 and living with my parents isn’t exactly something woman are looking for in a man. As Soppy as it sounds I have so much love to give and just want a good woman to share my life with. But I cant find one because I never get to go out, I’ve tried a few dating sites but soon as they find out my age and I’m living at home they don’t want to know. It’s so hard being on my own in the nights. I’d give anything to find someone to share my life with. Started to think I’m just going to be alone for life and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I will jump in and say I wouldn’t mind meeting someone either but I just don’t know how it would work. Also, would someone really want to date someone who has 3 carees and very very little free time? I don’t think so.
Everyone at work is always saying “oooh you’re such a lovely guy”, “I can’t believe you are single”, “get yourself out there”, blah blah blah. God knows where I would get time to do all of that. I’ve also realised most of my confidence has gone with caring. It’s like being the male version of Cinderella with no escape!
Pre lockdown, once a month or once every two months I would spend a night in a hotel - sometimes posh glamorous ones, sometimes basic budget ones. It was just one night but I always felt terrible for leaving the others at home and was constantly worried in case something happened. It never did but that never stopped me worrying.
Just thought I would shove my twopence worth in.
Hi, new member Andy here. So pleased to find someone posing questions about dating for carers, it’s something I’ve struggled with for years now and seems to be a taboo subject in some respects, as ridiculous as that sounds. I guess isolation and lack of a social life makes it feel like an impossible dream, to actually meet a lady to share my day to day feelings with, someone to share both emotional and physical intimacy, and to feel that special connection with.
Anyway, I’m rambling now just wanted to say how great it was to see something with ‘carer’ and ‘dating’ in the same conversation…it makes me feel almost human again Cheers everyone!
Andy, 43, Nottingham, single.
Hiya. I think it’s pretty hard at the best of times but over the pandemic moreso. A friend suggested online speed dating which sounds pretty good (at least to meet new people to start with). Takes about an hour, do it from home and don’t have to wear heels (bonus! lol).
Try Meetup. It’s a platform for social groups to meet people in your area who like to do what you like to do.Not intended to be a dating site but a way to make friends and socialise when it suits you. I’ve taken my mum to some events as, although she’s disabled and nearly blind, there’s nothing wrong with her mind and she loves to go out. She has been welcomed and felt ‘normal’!
I get where you are coming from, I feel guilty for wanting to find someone and heartbroken I can not share me with anyone else
You need to take your time sometimes and go out with someone, so don’t get stuck in a routine.
Old thread, locked.
I would say it’s possible. People used to always tell me “who would want to date somebody who was looking after their mother? They (as in me) wouldn’t have time enough to spend with the date/partner” directed at me. It was quite hurtful and worrying as I have always wanted to find myself a partner.
It has not happened for me before or during being a carer for my mum. I just haven’t met anyone even though I go out and about shopping and stuff.
I started dating sites 8 years ago and not really met anyone decent. I dated 2 people and that didn’t last long. Since then I’ve not had a boyfriend or girlfriend at all! I’m now 31 and still single and struggling to meet anyone even though I do have some time now as I get free time to go out every other day and allowed one 5 hour day out once a month.
I know this forum isn’t a dating site but how great would it be if we could meet someone special on this? Because everyone here has the struggle of caring in common! And if neither has a lot of time no problem! Each party will both understand and will just meet or even just chat online whenever they can!
It certainly isn’t impossible…one couple did meet on here and eventually married. Sadly, the husband died recently.
That’s good news and also bad news I’m sorry to hear that. Which user?
They were members who joined in the very early days of the forum and left shortly before they got married. It must be more than ten years ago now.
That’s very cool. I hope I can do this. I am on several dating sites. So far everybody on there just seems to want sex or something else that is weird. Kink stuff… Not saying kink stuff is bad but it is to me when that’s all they want of me rather than an actual friendship/relationship first.
And before you say anything, lol, it’s not just people from dating sites or online that are creeps. all the ones I’ve met IRL have also wanted the same thing of me!
This is one reason I’d rather date girls!