Hi first post
My name is Jo I’m 49 and am caring full time for my parents mum has moderate to severe dementia and dad has advanced Parkinsons. The workload does not bother me washing, cleaning, fetching appointments etc but I’m finding the loneliness crushing.
It is the three of us amigos 24/7 I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation that was not about Parkinsons, dementia diabetes etc. Most of the time mum thinks I’m a stranger and dad does not want to communicate .
Wow I sound needy and pathetic lol
I would not give up looking after them for the world but why does it have to be so lonely.
I just posted to, I’m new on here but already don’t feel as lonely now knowing there are others in the same boat. My
dad had Parkinson’s - my mum has dementia and I’m her live in carer. I’m 50. It’s so hard and the responsibility can be overwhelming. You are not alone though, please message me any time, I’m a carer to.
Welcome to the forum!
You’re not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support.
Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.
Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or our email is: advice@carersuk.org
I hope that you benefit from some of the services Carers UK has to offer. Please remember that there is always someone willing to listen. Perhaps speaking your GP may help also if you feel like you might need counselling or some other support that maybe local to your area.
What would happen if you became ill, with both parents dependent on you?
It is very important to keep you well, not selfish to want time off.
Have some extra help in the home, to do the vacuuming, clean the bath, some food prep in the kitchen, some gardening.
Then mum and dad can gradually get used to this, under your supervision, then in time you can feel it’s fine to take proper “me” time off.
Is the house and garden as easy as possible to look after, or are you expected to do the work of three people, what mum used to do, what dad used to do, plus caring for them on top of the other two jobs?
Are they receiving all the benefits that they are entitled to?
As to what would happen to mum and dad if something happened to me. I don’t know .
Yes I look after the house, garden, wash, iron, cook. The work does not bother me at all. The thing that gets to me is that at the time of day when mum and dad are asleep around 8 it really hits me that I have no one.
It must be very hard being the carer and having nobody to share your worries with or enjoy some time together.
I know a woman who was in a similar position and she got talking to a delivery man one day and it turned out he was a carer for his elderly Mum too. Over time they got together and are now a couple.
So there is hope!
Hi Jo,
I’m New here too joined this forum last month. You’re not alone in this boat buddy. You have to stay strong and I know it’s so hard for you and the responsibility can be overwhelming. You are not alone though, please message me any time we can make conversation to overcome this.
Dear Joanna, firstly, welcome. I haven’t been on here long myself. I too came here feeling desperate.
Like you, I’m 49 and I really am the sole carer for my wife who suffers from multiple, chronic ailments. She’s 50 going on 90.
I feel the same way as you in that I feel so utterly responsible for everything here. NOTHING, not even the smallest thing gets done at home without ME doing it. I have to do even the tiniest things. I feel as If I’ve married a toddler who can hardly do anything for themselves.
This has contributed to my being totally cut off from life.
All topics of conversation revolve around the latest thing wrong with her.
Sorry for the rant, this is your entry!
Anyway, you’re not alone, feel free to message me etc.
Anthony, the more you do, the more you are expected to do, because it’s easier for you. No thought about the fact you are already doing so much. This will continue as long as you do it. Time to introduce others into your home, who can do some of the jobs she can’t, to give you a much needed break. I had counselling to help me manage mum’s demands when I was newly widowed and newly disabled. I learned how to avoid the endless list of jobs!
I just joined too and loneliness was one of my motivating factors. I care for someone who suffers from delirium among other things and it can be very lonely. My family live a way away and sometimes months go by and the only person I see is delivery people in addition to lyn who I care for. I hoping to find people to communicate with on here so that things don’t feel so overwhelming. I hope you find some companionship here too.
Hi Jo, I feel your pain. The isolation and loneliness is the worse thing for me at the moment. I feel invisible to people, even friends and family, they don’t understand unless they are carers too.
I hope you can find some local support.
