Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if this is the right board to post this on because I’m still new to the site. I recently started caring for my partner who has fibromyalgia which has recently become much worse and made them not able to work; we’re 30 & 29 respectively. They’ve got a prescription from the GP for antidepressants which are supposed to help with pain but they just started, so those will hopefully kick in a bit more in a few weeks, and we’re on a waiting list for physiotherapy so there’s that, but basically they are in pain most of the time and there doesn’t seem to be a lot medically that can be done.
The problem is that during this time they often make cries of pain or say “it hurts!” or things like that over and over. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when this happens. If they ask for something specific I’m all over that, and sometimes I can suggest things that might make it better (meds, ice, heat, change of position, etc. etc. etc.), but then I think maybe I’m making it worse by annoying them with this constant stream of suggestions and I should let them tell me what they need. And often even after I’ve gone through the whole list of things that might help, they are still crying out in pain every few minutes.
It’s very emotional for me because I feel: (a) distressed and wishing they weren’t in pain; (b) useless that for not being able to help; (c) annoyed because it’s constant and they know I can’t do anything about it so why are they telling me over and over?; (d) guilty because I know it’s not their fault they are in pain and complaining maybe relieves their feelings and they don’t have to suffer in silence; and (e) worried about what the rest of our lives are going to be like with this awful illness. I can’t think it’s mentally healthy for me to be feeling all that the majority of my waking hours, and it also distracts me from things I need to be doing for myself, for my work (I’m self-employed and work mainly from home, especially at the moment), and for us, like cooking and cleaning.
So what can I do about it? Do I just need to change my mindset and stop thinking/feeling all this? If anyone else has had this experience, do you find you get used to it? I don’t want to become numb to my partner’s pain but I also want to sustain my ability to be there for them, given that we are going to be living with this, and I worry how I will cope.
Thank you in advance, any advice is greatly appreciated
Aly xx