Hi,
I am new here, I joined for advice as lately it has been a real struggle.
Basically my partner has fibromyalgia, anxiety, stress disorder, cfs serious ibs and mild depression, he has been like this for the last 6 years with the last few being the worse. It has now got to the point where he will bath once a week, he doesn’t leave the house and is very reliant on me. He has now, this last week been diagnosed with allergic conjunctivitis.
With the allergy, I have spent the last couple days deep cleaning the flat to help ease his streaming eyes, which it has helped but it has left me in pain and unable to sleep because of it so today I am tired and emotional.
Today my partner has not moved as he has suffered severe rigors (shakes) his temperature has gone up and down so he is obviously having to fight off an infection of some sort.
The rest of the time it’s like he has given up and become totally dependant on me.
I cook, clean, feed the cat, drive if need be, collect any meds, I don’t leave the flat, “if I can’t go out, why should you” I’m told.
I’m bored, lonely, stressed and in 2019 when I finally thought I was going to start trying to take back some control I started getting painful hands which spread to my shoulders and now the rest of my body, fibro maybe?
I have managed to get to 2 of 3 appointments which is a miracle as they usually get cancelled due to him being ill.
I’m am struggling so much today, I just want to cry. I’m also starting to think bad things such as, he is being pathetic, he’s faking or exaggerating, why can’t he man up a bit.
It’s also funny how his ‘flare ups’ happen on the days I have an appointment or want to go out for something. The horrible thing is there is always a way around what I want/need to do i.e online shopping, couriers who collect or get my son to pick something up.
My doctor has told me I need to walk 10 mins a day, I get “what if something happens to me”.
I know he gets anxious, he’s also worried I’ll meet someone else and leave.
But I have depression, anxiety, I’m over weight, trying hard to lose it and now the pain, I want to be outside, why can’t he understand that?
A typical day will be my partner gets up at 4am, makes his breakfast (porridge) at 8am. I get up at about 9ish as I don’t sleep well but then I clean, empty his urinal if need be, make dinner, make sure he’s ok and has everything he needs, at 3pm I make him porridge then tea at 6pm. In between he will watch films or play computer games whilst I’m left to read or sleep etc.
It really feels like he’s given up, how can I get him to bath more as I really think it would reduce him suffering from infections and his back is covered with spots and what looks like healed sores. He needs to be more active as he gets wind build up but struggles as he’s on a very limited diet.
Sorry for the long post but I haven’t been able to vent to anyone, it’s been years of build up and frustration.
Funny as I always wanted to be a carer growing up, I’m now 40 and caring 24/7 which is a real struggle, I feel like I’ve lost my life and have no income and my family have to visit me.
I would love to hear what anyone thinks about what I have written, am I being selfish?
Thank you for any comments in advance. X