I just joined this morning after finding this forum in a google search.
My partner was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 2 years ago after suffering with symptoms for 1.5 years previous. We only really got a year and a bit together as “normal” before his symptoms started.
Some days I get on with things just fine, other days I ruminate and think of how unfair things are and what our life is going to look like. For ages now I’ve just wanted someone to talk to who understands, who also cares for someone with fibromyalgia. I’ve felt like a fraud joining other caring groups as I’m not a “carer” in the real sense of the word. He doesn’t have physical needs, I don’t have to wash him or feed him, but I do everything in the house , all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. We both work full time and it’s hard sometimes. Are there any women out there in a similar position who sometimes just want someone to talk to who “gets it”? Men welcome too - I think for me it’s just been rarer to find females as I know fibro is more common in women than men.
I think many people will understand how you’re feeling. You’re providing a lot of support for your partner and that’s hard sometimes, for all sorts of reasons.
It’s important to take care of yourself too, and make sure you get any support you’re entitled to as well as making time for yourself. Have a look through our help and advice pages, there’s lots of information there you may find useful:
If you’d like to speak to other carers online we run weekly meet ups where carers come together informally to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. You’d be very welcome to join us:
Hi Faye, welcome to the forum.
Carers come in all shapes and sizes, it definitely sounds as if you are one!
I think you are in grave danger of falling into the trap of trying to do everything he can’t.
What does he struggle to do at home?
Is it a very easy home to look after, dishwasher, tumble dryer, walk in shower?
Try to streamline everything. I was forced to do this after I had a serious car accident. All the fruit trees shrubs, flower borders have gone in the garden. Now I can sit and relax on the now larger patio, without thinking about what needs doing next.
Could you employ someone to clean for you a few hours a week, so that you get some quality time to rest at weekends?
Thanks for your reply. I’m only just seeing this - is there a way to be notified if someone replies? We don’t have a dishwasher or dryer unfortunately. He recently went through an appeal for PIP and he did say if he gets it he’d like to pay towards someone to come in and do some cleaning just to take the pressure off me a bit so its definitely an option we’re thinking of. I’m sorry to hear about your car accident
Do you have a spare bedroom, shed, or garage, room in the bathroom? Our dryer went in the garage for years, now it lives in the conservatory. Maybe swop your normal machine for a washer/dryer?
The modern condenser dryers are a bit more expensive, but don’t make a room damp at all.
My brother had a slimline dishwasher, if there are only two of you it will be fine, brother seemed to get a lot in his.