Managing frustration with their chronic pain

I felt like I needed a little ramble somewhere as I’m struggling with this right now and my partner and I all share mutual friends.

I’m kinda frustrated with their lack of exercise and effort into managing their chronic pain, they have hypermobility. I know it’s bad for them and I’ve often had to come home early from the office to take care of them as they’re struggling. I just wish they’d try exercise therapy more… With lockdown it’s gotten to the point where a 10 minute walk can exhaust them but they used to be really fit before corana. They’ve got themselves stuck in a cycle of exercising hurts so I don’t want to do it, making them weaker and exercise more painful.

They had regular physical therapy sessions on the phone but they’ve ended as they said they can’t help her since she’s in too much pain. She’s on the waiting list for the pain management clinic and is on co-codamol but reccently ran out. Her private therapist gave them a really good pain management sheet where they have to find a baseline of exercise but she refuses to engage with it.

I’m just super frustrated with it as I do know she’s in pain but I can see her getting worse due to her lack of exercise. I can’t bring it up with her as she has a breakdown due to her depression but I wish the physio had pushed harder for her to get outside.

Not sure if I really want advice, I’m just tired and need someone who can relate. :frowning:

Do NOT go home from the office.
Finding a pain baseline was life changing for me, when I was waiting for two knee replacements after a car accident that nearly killed me. I could do a bit, stop, do a bit stop, and got lots done that way. At the time I was newly widowed with 30 tons of lorry spares to deal with, a disabled mum, a disabled son, and a national club to run. I needed to keep going with the club to sell the spares, to earn a living and keep my house.
If your partner refuses to take any advice from anyone, then your partner must accept the consequences. She has absolutely no right to interfere with your employment in any way. When you are at work, you are at work. Turn off your phone.

I can relate to that 100%.

My wife has considerably different problems to your partner, (she has MS) but she also fails to help herself as much as she could.

A simple example: she is losing the use of her left arm, I am always telling her that she needs to use it or there will come a time when the loss is irretrievable. Yesterday when I put her to bed she was covered in little flakes of pastry from a cake that she ate at 4:00pm, her all day sling was also full of crumbs.

ME:- "Why didn’t you use the plate to catch the crumbs? It’s would have been a simple exercise for your left hand and arm whilst you held the cake with the right hand."
I didn’t get a sensible answer, I never do, I can shout at her about this sort of crap until I have a sore throat (and often do) and it makes no difference.

She either can’t or won’t see it. This is by no means the only thing that she won’t do to help herself, so I wish you luck in trying to change your partner’s behaviour, but don’t hold your breath.

Why has she run out of Co-codamol? This sort of thing needs to be addressed and someone has to take responsibility for ensuring a continuous supply, it doesn’t have to be you, you’re not the one in pain, it’s just another indication of a lack of judgement by your partner.

I think I’m struggling a bit more since we’re both very young (both 20s) and the chronic pain is still very new to our relationship. I really do empathise with her as I’ve had chronic leg issues due to my my muscles being too short and also haven’t been on top of my exercise. The office thing has only happened a couple of times and I am self employed so she’s only rung me as she knows I am able to come home and she is truly struggling.

The doctor didn’t give her a huge amount and went on annual leave without us knowing. Her doctors is constantly a month behind on appointments so her usual doctor lets her book in early but with her off we haven’t been able to see anyone. It’s not really anyone’s fault with COVID and we’ll be ringing the GP again tomorrow for an emergency appt as she feels terrible.

I order all of my wife’s medication on-line at her GPs website, I make a note on the calendar to order them every four weeks, there’s no reason to ever run out - (and it would increase my workload significantly if she ever did).

This should be easy enough to arrange.

Thanks, we do normally do this but it was a case of the doctor not knowing how many painkillers she’d use and her physio reccomending she up them. We’ve managed to get it sorted now and she should have some in tomorrow

Hey Keira, I totally get the frustration. I’ve been feeling this a bit lately with my partner - mainly because hes very overweight and has put on more weight during lockdown (me too, and im sure a lot of other people) but I feel like he needs to make more effort to move more and shift some weight because thats not going to help his fatigue or pain. I feel like when I suggest things its ‘I’ve got no energy, I can’t’ (which I do get but at the same time you have to do something) or he doesnt believe in the more alternative suggestions I mention. At this point I just want him to try anything that might help.