I live with my 73 year old husband who is staying at home for 3 months as per gov advice. However I also care for my 90 year old mother who has been in hospital for a week because of a fall and then had carers for a week, now they have stopped. Am I risking my husband’s health by going to see my mother? She lives 2 miles away and I would walk there and back.
Do I go and stay in a different room or outside? I was going twice a week and helping prepare vegetables, taking things to dustbin, sometimes doing bits of cleaning, helping her with paperwork. I also do bits of shopping for her but it seems a bit silly to avoid shopping for us because of husband and then do it for mum. She has a delivery of food once a fortnight but tends to run out of things the second week. The gov advice seems to be that older people only need help with washing and dressing and preparing meals. My mum can do these things if essential but am I supposed to leave her to fish for 3 months? I feel very torn between caring for her and caring for my husband.
She will not ask for help and relies on me doing things usually in response to hints rather than her asking me. I have a brother who lives at the far end of the country.
Mum is entitled to SIX weeks of post hospital care.
I think this is at least the THIRD person discharged without a proper care plan.
CARERS UK. PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF THESE UNSAFE DISCHARGES!
Your instinct of saying its silly to avoid shopping for myself and my husband and then do it for my mum i think should be listened to.
But you are in a very difficult position.
Can you try and get carers arranged for your mum. This should have been arranged to coincide with hospital discharge.
I think you really need to stop going if your husband has been told to self isolate. My immediate family is fit and healthy so I am still visiting my Mum who has dementia as she doesn’t eat if someone doesn’t cook for her. However, if she could prepare meals I wouldn’t be going.
I think really think how you can structure things so you don’t have to go in. If she has an online order of shopping make sure she has some frozen veg, tinned fruit, long life milk and crackers or a loaf for the freezer to avoid the top ups. They might not be exactly what she usually has, but it is about getting everyone through this difficult time.
In my town there is a volunteer scheme to help those self isolating with shopping. Is there anything like that in your town? Someone might be able to help so you don’t have to go out.
You can still call her everyday to stop her being lonely. the self isolation for the elderly is so. so hard. But really has to happen to avoid the spread and stop people like your husband and Mum getting poorly.
If she is still unwell from her fall. Social services still need to be providing support.
Take care, this is really hard.
Hello June
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This is an especially difficult time for carers who are looking after people that don’t live with them with extra concerns re infection Have you or your Mother received a letter from the NHS? if so you can register for additional support here - www.gov.uk/cornonavirus-extremely-vulnerable and they also have a dedicated helpline - 0800 028 8327 I know you said your Mother doesn’t like to ask for help but there are also local volunteer groups who may be able to help with some top-up shopping for her. They are listed here - https://covidmutualaid.org/local-groups
Our Coronavirus information pages contain the latest information and might be helpful too - COVID-19 guidance | Carers UK
Best wishes
Jane
Hello June. My advice is to stay at home and call someone to go and helps your mother.
Thank you all for your comments it is helpful to get some feedback.